Out of Hand
by ThePushThatComesToShove
Summary: Gaara's only goal in life is to be successful. He has no plans of incorporating useless relationships into his life and keep his life in his control. But when he meets a chattery store keeper, he comes to face the reality of life. GaaLee, AU.
1. The Wrong Place and Time

Chapter One - The Wrong Place and Time

In late December, the winds here start to get harsh and angry. They whisper the beginnings of the new year, of January, and the cold weather to come. It was as if they were trying to push the old year out of the way as soon as possible, urging the late Christmas shoppers to hurry up and get gifts they should have purchased in _November_.

As I headed out of the coffee shop, steaming cup in hand, I realized how relieved I am that the holidays were almost over. I could get out of the house and get back to school, away from my suffocating family and back on familiar ground. The gloves my older sister gave me warded the scalding heat from the drink in my hands as I walked down the street, no particular destination in mind.

The sun still hasn't come up yet, reminding me of the early hour. It hardly bothers me; I don't get a lot of sleep as it is. According to my siblings, I'm a restless insomniac. I like to think that I merely have my priorities straight. Who could sleep when there was so much work to be done?

With a sideways glance I could see frosted signs telling me of old holiday sales. Obviously these stores haven't opened since Christmas. It was only a few days after Christmas and I wonder just what in the world these people could be doing instead of keeping their business running.

I walked up to the next store and examined the sign above the door. "Mighty Reads" it read. I never really associated the word "mighty" with literature. Perhaps it specialized in adventure books. In the window there was a crooked sign, the shadows covering the percent sign in the sale price. A few books sat open and on pedestals, some pre-owned volumes with thick pages reminding me that I still have to grab some books for my English class. Classic literature was vaguely interesting. Who could have thought that people could have lived without the luxuries we have today?

My breath fogged up the cold glass of the window as I approached it. When it faded, I could see my reflection, tired green eyes staring back at me. They disappeared for a split second as I blinked. I could see the dark bags under my eyes mingling with the eyeliner my sister claimed to bring out my eyes. They were so close together they practically blended, which was the look I was aiming for.

The window was cold under my fingertips. Jane Eyre was the book I had to get, I thought. And three more, as well. The Time Traveler, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, and... I bit my lip. Dracula, I think. Leaning closer, I tried to look over the cardboard sheltering the store inside. Just as the tip of my nose touched the glass, a body crashed into me. Next thing I knew, my coffee was no longer in my hands and my legs were not under me any longer.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!" a male voice exclaimed, a little too loud for this time of day. Hell, it was a little loud for any time of day.

My elbows had softened my fall, as had my bottom. I reached up to rub my head, which had hit the sidewalk under me just slightly. The warmth from my drink had remained in my gloves, but the liquid was now residing on my coat. I grimaced; that was my gift to myself. It would be hell of a stain to get out.

As I began to hoist myself off the ground, a hand was shoved into my field of vision. I fell back down again.

"Are you alright, sir?" I looked up to see worried, brown eyes shining in the dim light of the new sunrise. My eyes drifted back down to the hand in front of me, offered in hopes to aid me up. A little confused, I took it. The stranger lifted me with unexpected strength, nearly drawing me into his body. I stepped back as soon as I had righted myself.

"I'm fine," I replied, looking at the cup on the ground. Some of its contents had spared my jacket and were spreading out on the cold ground.

"I'm so sorry, sir, I was in a rush. You see, the store opens up for the first time today after the holidays and I almost forgot! My coworker, Tenten, she would _kill_ me if I left her standing in the cold for the third time this month. I really should get some copies of these keys..."

I stared at the man as he babbled on and on about the horrible things this "Tenten" could do to him. I merely blinked at him, wondering if any sort of words could interrupt his speeding train of thought.

He rubbed at his neck, his dark hair brushing his bare hands as he glanced away. An embarrassed blush crawled up his skin as his voice quieted down. "Ah, sorry there. I, uh, I'm sorry again, sir, if there's anything I ca-- Oh!"

The sudden increase of volume in his voice startled me and I look up at his eyes. They were trained somewhere on my chest with the way they were staring below my gaze.

"Your coat! Was I--? Of course I was," his voice seemed to berate himself as he reached over to touch my coat. I flinched away immediately; just what the hell did he think he was doing just reaching out and-- "Wow, would you look at that. Froze right in. We should probably be heading inside now, you must be freezing. Hold on a sec."

He pulled out a set of keys from his coat pocket, which was a dark green, I noted, and continued to speak. There was no stopping this man from filling the silence, was there? "Sorry again, sir. I'm Lee, by the way. This is my father's-- Ah, I mean, was my father's bookstore. If you need anything, just take a look around while I find something to help clean you up..."

As he spoke, his voice started to lower. I had caught the obvious mistake in word tenses when he referred to his father and figured that he was dead or something similar. There would be no use to upset him further by asking about it, and I didn't really want to bother with the mess this Lee would probably become if I brought it up. It wasn't worth the trouble.

In a few moments, the door was open and we stepped inside. It was cool in the store, a few rays of sunlight filtering in through the windows and illuminating the colorful covers of nearby books. The store was a lot larger than the outside made it out to be; aisles of books stretched on from where we stood, large, bold signs labeling the different genres hanging from the ceiling.

"I'm sure you won't need any help looking for what you need, sir. I'll, uh, take your coat and see what I can do with it."

The door closed behind us, the cold winds becoming distant howls. Lee held out an expectant hand, his smile still retaining hints of apologetic sheepishness. I held his gaze for a moment, but he would not let up. It was either he didn't notice that I had no intention of giving him my coat, or he was ignoring it. I sighed and unzipped my coat, deciding that he was not going to let me move without handing it over first.

"Right," he said once I laid in it in his arms. He had a determined look in his eyes. "Just call out if you need me; it's a bit early, so none of the other employees'll be here."

As he walked away, I glanced at my watch. It was almost eight thirty. The sun was rising later and later nowadays. It was a little gloomy, but the only thing that bothered me about it was the fact that it only reminded me of what little sleep I was getting.

Another sigh escaped my lips. I have to go through all of this simply because I happened to be standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. As if my luck wasn't bad enough.

And I had to deal with a guy like _this_ of all people. I try to keep social contact to a minimum, but this guy seems to do the exact opposite. It just wasn't worth the trouble to talk to people, to please them and hope that they don't bother you too much, especially when I had better things to do. Only complete focus could bring to where I am in school. Besides, if you let people get too close to you, they start to become dangerous, having access to things that could hurt you from the inside and out.

I shook my head, hoping to banish these worthless, time-consuming thoughts. There was no need to relive memories. I walked forward, heading towards the classics section.

I was leafing through "Wuthering Heights", amused that this Heathcliff man was toying with a woman merely to get closer to another. This man obviously let his desire for this Kathy consume him and was paying for it by becoming mad. Another reason why relationships were pointless; if you didn't have enough power and control, they could become the sole purpose of your life, and who wants to be controlled by someone else? Who knows what another person could do with your life in their hands. With this knowledge, I reveled in having complete and utter control over my own body, knowing that no other human being would have control over my ming. I simply could not allow it, not when there was so much to be done.

Lee's voice startled me out of my reverie and I could feel my neck snap as I whipped my head up to look at him. I grimaced and tilted my head as the man spoke.

"I managed to get the stain out of your coat with a little help from Tenten," he said, grinning, "It'll take a while to dry. I'm sorry to keep you waiting, but it was the least that I could do after crashing into you and all that."

I nodded, not willing to bother to talk. I didn't really mind; at this time of year, many of my father's clients visited bringing gifts of thanks for keeping them out of the jailhouse, and I tried to avoid them as much as possible. It wasn't like it was cold or anything, anyway.

I replaced the book into the shelf in front of me. When I glanced up at Lee, he was rubbing the back of his neck again, looking away. Whatever it was he was thinking about, I didn't really find the need to ask about it. Maybe he finally realized that I didn't truly want to talk to him.

"I don't know if you noticed her coming in. You looked a little occupied with your book, so I didn't want to disturb you by introducing her. Right now she's a little busy herself, so I guess I could do it another time."

Another time? I knew I was not planning on coming back here and talking to this chatterbox yet again.

"Oh, you know, I never really caught your name, sir," he said before a moment of silence could fall. He seemed to be good at preventing that.

I bit down a sigh when I looked at his expectant eyes. Perhaps he was simply bored. "My name is Gaara," I stated, hoping to keep it simple.

"Gaara..." he murmured, as if tasting it for the first time. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. His old cheer returned to his eyes as he went into shopkeeper mode. "So, Gaara, what are you looking for today? Something for school?"

I nodded. Pretty good guess. I must look young enough to be a student, then, because I had hardly talked at all during our encounter.

"Is it something in this section? Whatever you're looking for, I'm sure that we have it," he said, beaming brightly. His smile practically screamed trust me and I figured it wouldn't hurt to do so.

"I'm looking for Jane Eyre, the Time Traveler, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, and Dracula," I stated, glancing around so I wouldn't have to look him in the eye. His gaze was starting to become a little intense this close up.

"English class, huh?" he asked, a knowing smile painting his features. Again, I nodded. He began to walk towards a bookshelf near the wall and I followed closely behind. "I remember English well. I had to minor in it. Classic literature was really hard for me though, it was hard for me to wrap my head around that old english. Luckily, I had Neji to help me out..."

He trailed off and I took this time to draw in a long, quiet breath. Listening to him talk and talk was making me tired. Wasn't he worried that he might reveal too much about himself? Or maybe he didn't care? It was kind of like that Heathcliff man, who just opened up to that woman and let himself be doomed for pain. Maybe Lee was lonely.

We stopped by a shelf filled with books that I recognized as a board supported publisher. Lee easily skimmed through the titles and picked up the three books I was looking for.

"Have you gotten used to university yet, Gaara? You look too old to be a freshman, but you still look pretty new. You don't seem like the talking type, so all those young people with the drinking and all that must be pretty annoying. When I was in school, I managed to find a few friends who shared a lot of classes with me. Now I know people might seem a bit insufferable when they have this new freedom, but you'll get used to it--"

"Lee," I said firmly, interrupting his long monologue. He seemed startled to hear my voice, and to be honest, I was hoping to keep my talking to a minimum, and looked at me as soon as his name had left my lips. I hesitated when he fixed his gaze on me, but continued just for the sake of getting him to _shut up_. "I'm not a sophomore. I'm in my last of year of law school. Hell, I'm at least three years ahead a normal student of my age. I don't need a lecture on life away from home or some crap like that."

Lee opened his mouth and closed it several times. It was as if he was trying to stop himself from talking, or trying to think of something to say. I would have appreciated this moment of silence if it weren't for the fact that it included him just... standing there. Holding my books.

Finally he decided on saying, "S-Sorry. I, uh, didn't mean to assume."

I rolled my eyes. "I wouldn't be surprised if you did it often."

He pursed his lips, as if realizing that it wasn't worth the time to talk to me anymore. In an instant his eyes lit up again and I let out a sigh. The brunet seemed to ignore this and plowed on, saying, "Wow! A prodigy, in our store! That's amazing! If you ever need a place to get away from it all, though, you're welcome to stay here. It's relatively quiet it in here, especially because some customers just stop by to read the books if they can't afford it... Besides, there's plenty of room in here, there just has to be a place where most sounds don't reach it!"

He started to move towards the front of the store, where the counter was, and I rubbed at my eyes. If I wasn't waiting for my coat I would not have spent so much time in here. I still had to review some notes on cross-examination and then I had to get started on these in order to keep up with the class, and...

As we approached the counter, an average looking brunette popped up from behind it. She wore her hair in two symmetrical buns and I couldn't help but stare and wonder how she was able to keep them in place and more around so much.

"Lee!" she chirped, holding up a bundle of dark red cloth, "That coat you brought in is dry now!"

Just as Lee dropped the books on the counter, he looked up to acknowledge his coworker. A smile spread across his lips like wildfire and he hopped over the counter to grab my coat.

"Ahh, thank you, Tenten!" he exclaimed, taking it from her rather gingerly. She merely nodded before walking away from the counter, whistling something upbeat. I bit down a grimace.

Lee rang up my items, placing them in a bag on top of my coat. I slipped it out from under the books as he began to talk again.

"Well, it was sure nice meeting you, Gaara! Good luck with school, hope to see you around some time soon!" He toned down his grin and kept his smile friendly. It was warm and welcoming, something I hadn't seen in a long, long time. When people looked at me, they either hated me for beating them in class or for being my father's son. It was easy to send the exact same look back to them, but I was at a loss of how to respond politely to Lee's beaming face.

_I know that I should just thank him and leave, but I think that he'll just go on and on if I don't do something to appease him_, I thought, grasping the plastic in my gloved hands. Lee looked at me patiently, obviously expecting me to reply. _What he wants, though, I can't tell._

"Uh..." I started, mentally congratulating myself for being so articulate, "Th-Thanks. I'll, uh, see you... later."

God, that was hopelessly_ lame_.

But for some reason his eyes seemed to light up even brighter. I hadn't thought it to be possible for someone to look so _happy_, but I tried to smile back as he waved goodbye.

* * *

A/N: Ahhh, it's been so long since I've done a Naruto fic. Now I haven't been keeping up with Shippuden manga/anime, so their personalities will be based before the time skip. It would probably make more sense to base it on the Shippuden line considering these guys are in their early twenties, but I prefer to stick to their old selves and have them develop from the very start. And also because I'm more educated (barely) in the pre-time skip characters. Hah.  
This is an idea I've had since I was still in this fandom (a few years ago, maybe two or three) that's been twisted and made into something I'm more familiar with. As I am not _very _familiar with the canon of this series, I'll have to work to, well, make this work. Oh well, hopefully it'll do better than my other (practically abandoned) projects!

Well, here's to the first chapter. I apologize for typos and character muck ups, it's all part of the learning process. Hope you enjoyed so far!


	2. Safe Haven

Chapter Two - Safe Haven

I downed a large gulp of coffee, feeling the steam from the cup in my hands caress my face. I wouldn't be seeing these again for a while. Of all the things I'll miss most about home, it would have to be this coffee. The shop I had just left was a small cafe a few blocks from my house, with quietly polite staff that had grown accustomed to my lack of speech. Even their regulars have learned not to approach me.

The steam escaping the vicinity of the medium sized cup in my hands swirled and writhed before my eyes. I blew it away, watching as the particles reacted to my actions. It was satisfying to see something bend to my will, even something as insignificant as harmless steam from a cup.

I was wandering again. Father had some of his coworkers over celebrating some mass murder case and it had gotten much too loud for my taste. In that house, I could feel the crowd of company clawing at my chest, suffocating me slowly, even when they were on an entirely different floor. At least back at the library on campus everyone was quiet, much too absorbed in their studies to bother with others. That's where I belonged, that's where I truly should be instead of on this frosty sidewalk going nowhere. And I will be there in naught but a few hours time, seeing as school resumed tomorrow.

Dead weeds lay in between cracks in the sidewalk. I stopped when I sighted a brown stain in the ground, a coffee cup identical to the one I was holding shoved into a drain nearby. It hadn't occurred to me until now that my cafe was so close to this bookstore. I could remember Lee's large, bright eyes and how they welcomed me. The store was big enough to breathe in, so I supposed it wouldn't hurt to stop by.

I approached the store and took another sip of my coffee. I could see Lee from where I stood, leaning over the counter and listening to someone intently. _Never thought that he could stop talking_, I thought to myself with a wry smile. It didn't last long. _Then again, I suppose that he would need a reason to stop and listen, wouldn't he_.

I wouldn't let that bother me. After all, it's not like I _wanted_ to talk to the man. And I don't want to this time. It's just that I needed something to occupy me, and there was nothing more time consuming than a man who didn't know when to stop talking.

With a long swig I drank the last of my coffee. I could practically hear Temari chastising me about caffeine consumption and how it was bad for my health. Hell, not sleeping was bad enough for my health, what more could a little caffeine do?

A bell above the door chimed when I walked in. Immediately Lee and his companion looked towards me. There was a man with long, brown hair standing in front of him, his eyes an eerily light color. And I thought _my_ eyes were light.

"Gaara," Lee said warmly, his ever present smile widening, "What did I do to deserve your presence today?"

The man across the store keeper scowled, shooting his gaze at Lee as he addressed me. I allowed myself a small smirk. Perhaps he was the one familiar with receiving the praise around here.

I shrugged. "Boredom, I suppose," I replied, easily staying aloof and only the slightest bit interested. Lee seemed to be honored by the attention.

"Neji, this is Gaara," Lee stated, gesturing to me with a wide flourish, "He's a prodigy like you. He's in law school. Wow, it sure is great to know so many smart people. I'm glad to know that you'll be there to improve the world with your intellect and--"

This Neji gave Lee a lopsided smile, holding up a hand to interrupt him. "Lee. I know. I'm going to cure cancer or something like that. You don't need to tell me for the five hundredth time."

They shared a fond look and I felt very uncomfortable in my skin. It was so intimate that I could feel the heat crawl under my coat and whisper at my neck. I pulled at the scarf wrapped around my throat in hopes that it would allow me more space to breathe.

"Come here, Gaara, have a seat," Lee said, drawing my attention away from the hard-faced brunet in from of him. He was motioning to the counter in front of him, where I could now see a leg propped up against it. The store keeper finished the motion and placed the rest of his weight on the long counter.

Hesitantly, I stepped forward. Now it just felt like I was walking in on something I shouldn't be.

"It's okay, I don't bite," Lee coaxed softly, waving his hands towards his chest. Neji followed the motion with his eyes before letting out a quiet scoff.

"No, but you sure know how to talk a man's ear off," Neji said, taking a seat on the very end of the table. The two had left enough room for me and one other person to sit with them.

"Well, I'm sorry if I like to share," Lee replied with a playful smile. Neji snorted once more, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

_Okay_, I told myself, still uncertain of whether or not it would be a smart decision to join the pair on their small island, _You brought yourself here. Don't make this a useless trek and do nothing._

But it wasn't like I had anything better to do. Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea was sitting half-finished on my desk and I was already through the holiday review sheets I had received from my professors upon request. I was already well prepared for school, as expected. Surely there was more work to be done, but I could not stand the presence of so many people under my roof.

I seated myself across from Lee, discovering that the counter was quite a wide space. The only drawback to sitting on it was the lack of back support.

"It's rather empty in here," I observed, hoping to get someone to fill this horrible silence. I didn't think I could stand another exchange between these two; there was just something about them that seemed familiar only in the sense that I had seen it before, and it obviously reminded me of something unpleasant.

Lee nodded, looking around at the expanse of the store. "Yes, well, it's still the holidays. People are trying to make as much of it as they can." He paused to glance at me briefly. I caught his gaze and he quickly averted his eyes, looking at Neji instead. "I heard that Neji has to go back tomorrow. What about you, Gaara?"

I nodded absently, familiar with the feel of small talk, "Yes, I'm returning to campus tomorrow."

"Is it far?" As Lee spoke these words, I could see a small spark of hope light in his eyes. He wasn't thinking that I would visit him, did he?

I considered this thought for a moment before realizing that he expected me to reply to his question. "Not exactly. Around half an hour's drive from my house."

"Do you visit home often?"

I shrugged. "As often as I'm needed."

Lee hummed in reply, chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip. Odd. He's not being loud or enthusiastic, just taking in the information as he'd asked. Or maybe I'm assuming things too early.

"When I was in school," Lee started, tone soft and wistful, "I tried to visit my father as much as possible. Every weekend, when I wasn't working and when classes weren't running. But I realized that it cost too much to take the bus so much, and so did dad, and he told me not to go any more." He stopped, fisting something in his pocket. "Isn't it lonely?"

Neji looked at Lee sympathetically. There was obviously something that ran deep between them and I was starting to get sick of being aware of this relationship.

Lonely? How could someone have time to be_ lonely_ when there was so much to be done? Amongst studying and reading and internships, I hadn't even considered the idea of being lonely. What a petty emotion.

"No," I replied. Apparently it came out a little too harsh, as Lee gave me a look of disbelief.

"Wh... How? Didn't you miss your family? Your friends?" Lee looked at me with searching eyes and I glanced over my shoulder to avoid them. Whatever he was looking for, there was no way he would find it.

"No," I repeated, my fingers curling into a fist on the smooth surface of the counter, "I didn't have time to spare to even consider being lonely."

"Do you even have friends?" Neji's cool, cutting question startled me. I had almost forgotten he was part of this conversation, as well. He was looking at me with a hard gaze that almost reminded me of my father, which would have made me hate him if it weren't for that fact that it was also slightly... Sad. My brow furrowed in confusion and slight reluctance to answer him.

I opened my mouth to reply when Lee turned around sharply to face his friend. I blinked at his speed as he began to berate Neji, "Neji! How can you say something like that? Of course he has friends, everyone has friends--"

"No," I said, a hint of exasperation coloring my tone as I cut him off. The brunet seated near Lee continued to hold my gaze, but his eyes changed once again. It was as if the light color of his eyes allowed me to read his slight flickers of emotion more easily. I was able to recognize the shift, but I could not identify the emotion he was regarding me with. Some sort of tenderness that made me look away.

God, did everyone that Lee knew have some sort of vast sympathy? Just what the hell were they trying to prove?

Lee turned to look at me sharply. I was startled once again to see the determination in his eyes. Wary of his next loud declaration, I slowly inched away from him. "Gaara! I can't believe you... How could you reach the full springtime of your youth without the pure and faithful loyalty of friendship?!"

I glanced at Neji, hoping that he would interrupt Lee again. There was a small smirk tugging on the corners of his mouth, as if he were expecting both my annoyance and Lee's speech. I would have scowled at him if he were worth the trouble.

"You poor, poor soul!" the store keeper continued, leaning forward on the counter. His hands were on top of each other as he placed most of his weight on his arms. I backed away until my leg started to slip off the edge of the table. "We must amend this as soon as possible!"

My brow wrinkled further at the suggestion. I was not in need of any distractions from my work; I only had one semester left before earning my Jurdis Doctor degree and then I could take the bar exam, allowing me to join my siblings' firm. I would succeed them and Father if it was the last thing I did.

"Lee," I said firmly, using a significant amount of effort to keep my irritation out of my tone. This was exceptional practice for my lack of people skills, as Kankuro was so efficient of reminding me of. "You don't have to. Really."

"Oh, but I do!" There was no refusing him, was there? I was starting to regret coming here.

_But you wanted someone to talk the time away_, a voice told me in the back of my head, _Like you just said, you don't have any friends. Who else but this nutcase could ever bother with _you_, you worthless excuse of a--_

Inwardly, I growled. Damn. That's true. An angry scowl progressed across my face as Lee exclaimed the importance of experiencing the full springtime of one's youth and how the journey was not to be made alone. Occasionally, he slipped up, running out of adjectives to describe joy and purity, but eventually he found the drive to continue on. I was able to drown out most of it; the few drunk students I had come across during my years of school were just as, if not more, irritatingly loud. Especially in study halls, where no student working would give up the time and effort to cause such a ruckus.

"Gaara?" Once I heard my name, I glanced up to return Lee's quizzical and expecting gaze. "Did you hear what I said?"

Behind him, I heard Neji mutter, "How could he not?"

My lips pulled into a wry expression. "No. I did not."

Lee huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, that's not very polite." He puffed his cheeks up with a breath and released it through his teeth, his expression flattening out to something undemanding and borderline blank. "I asked you if I could have your number."

If I had eyebrows, I'm pretty sure they would have flown right into my hairline. Temari always said there was a first for everything, especially on that day--

No. No, this was nothing like that day. This idiot was trying to obstruct my path to my goal, I shouldn't allow him to hinder me like this.

_A person can't defeat loneliness._

I stared at Lee, my eyes widening to a state that was becoming uncomfortable. There was that voice again. I blinked to soothe my eyes, but I could not soothe the sudden dryness in my throat.  
_  
A person can't defeat loneliness. That's what he told you that day, isn't it? You know, Yashamaru._

"Gaa... ra?" Lee looked startled at my expression. He began to reach forward, but I jumped back to avoid the contact. A cross between a whimper and a growl escaped my lips as I clamped my hands over my ears, trying to drown out that too familiar voice in my head.

_There's no point. You know this guy will get to you eventually; who's left? I can't tell what's to gain by befriending _you_ though. Even you can't defeat loneliness. Yashamaru is proof of that._

Slowly, I lowered my hands from my head. There was no way I could let these guys see me like this; surely they would call the cops, paramedics, anyone--  
_  
You can't escape your past. History is bound to repeat itself, you know. Eventually you'll give in to this green fool, blind as a bat, and he'll have his hands on you. You and your precious control will crumble to his will, just you wait. A person can't defeat loneliness._

Shaking my head with a vigor that was dizzying, I ran from the shop, the bell above the door chiming in my ears as I escaped. The last thing I heard was the call of my name.

* * *

I stared at cars that passed me, some of them dangerously close as I sat on the curb. Damn, it had been a long time since I'd lost control like that.

A voice had developed in the back of my mind long ago. It wasn't my conscience, no, far from it. I wasn't entirely sure what it was. It was something similar to my desires, my human weaknesses that I preferred not to keep in contact with. My only purpose was to become the perfect successor to my father. There would be nothing to stand in the way between my goal and myself.

The first time I had let that happen led to a very foolish ending to a very foolish affair. For the first time in my life, someone had looked over my status, my genius, and decided that I would be worth interacting with. That's what I had told myself then.

It had all been a plot to take advantage of me. That... That person, he... I spend all of my time, night and day, working to fulfill my purpose in life. And this boy thought that he could outright steal my efforts and had forcibly attempted to steal several days' worth of essays and reports so that he could progress in class instead of myself.

It was the first time someone had tried to harm me.

Temari and Kankuro had been there to help me. The boy hadn't landed but two punches on me and my siblings were on him like a moth to a flame.

I could still remember that smile. His reassuring smile that told me that he held no ill will towards me. Why would he? After all, we'd just met.

Hah.

The cashier behind the counter at my cafe looked me up and down as I entered the small shop. The aromas of coffee and baked goods assaulted my nose, welcoming me with its familiarity. I spared the employee an indifferent look. She was new, with a shiny "trainee" tag to prove it.

Of course I'd escaped here. Where else? There was no safe haven out there, save a small resting place. I ordered my drink and left as quickly as possible. I had to get away, far, far away from the lunatic at the book store.

Just as I'd stepped out of the shop, a yell caught my attention. Most yells wouldn't even elicit a glance from me, but this voice was familiar. I was drawn to familiar, like most people.

Lee ran down the street, his arms flailing about. Perhaps he was trying to stop me. Didn't he see I wasn't moving?

It was a state I should have snapped out of a long time ago. I'd given him enough time to catch up with me. Inwardly, I growled. Dammit, my reaction time was failing; I've definitely been out of school too long.

"Gaara," he breathed, keeping his mouth open to continue. The only sound he made was the whistling noise of drawing breaths into his lungs. He held up a hand as if to excuse himself.

I put the steaming cup to my lips and took a deep drink. The hot liquid cascaded down my throat at a high temperature, but I made no reaction as I watched the man in front of me catch his breath.

If this man had the will to go out and find me, there must be something wrong with him. Surely I was not worth the effort to track down.

_Hah. Maybe he's as lonely as you?_

"S-Sorry," he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. His frame shook with shivers; apparently, he had forgotten to grab his coat in his rush to find me.

Honestly, this man was certainly unwell. It was below freezing temperatures out here in early January and he hadn't bothered to bring some source of warmth.

The low temperature wasn't his main concern, it seemed. He drew his hands into tight fists at his sides, attempting to cease his shaking.

"Gaara," he repeated, pausing to allow his jaw to chatter with the cold, "I'm sorry if I seem a bit pushy, seeming as we've just met, but-- I-- I can't bear to think that there is someone out there without a _friend_."

_Probably as crazy as you, too._

Shut up, I hissed at the voice. It chuckled at me in response. Hopefully that would be the last of it.

"And I--" He stopped again and stared at my eyes. I was keeping them carefully indifferent, wishing that it would be enough to scare this strange creature away and never come back. Obviously I was failing. "I think that I-- Like to-- I would like to be your first."

Maybe if I link this broken up sentence with the previous one, it would make a tiny bit of sense.

A blush spread across his cheeks, practically radiating the warmth he seemed to be lacking. At least his blood was still running.

"Friend!" he shouted, correcting some sort of mistake. Yes, that last attempt at a sentence didn't have the best grammar, but shouting out random words did not compensate. Lee's mouth opened and closed as the blush deepened. "I-I mean, your first friend. Then you can live out the full springtime of your youth!"

"Sure," I replied before downing another mouthful of my coffee.

I was only agreeing to this out of morbid curiosity of what Lee would do. I could be_ his_ friend, but he would most certainly not be mine.

Lee gaped at me yet again. He did not get tired of doing that, did he? I took this time to take another sip of my drink, absently watching the steam rise before my eyes. Behind the moving mist, Lee's expression changed from one of surprise to joy, a wide grin threatening to split his face in two.

"Good! Right, then, wonderful, thank you!" He clasped his hands together and began walking towards me, making sure to approach me slowly. Good, this man could learn from his mistakes fairly quickly. "Ah, then, could I possibly... have your number? Please?"

I paused in drinking. That question again. My hands, currently occupied with my drink, hovered near my stomach as I waited for the voice in the back of my mind to reappear.

Nothing. Good.

I nodded my agreement. The store keeper looked as if he were about to jump for joy. With an inward sigh, I idly wished that I could feel such happiness for something so simple as a line of numbers.


	3. Weakness

Chapter Three - Weakness

My nose was deeply rooted in the spine of Jane Eyre when I received my first call from Lee. I was almost glad for the interruption; this Jane Eyre was becoming increasingly stupid by the chapter. At first I had thought her to be a rather intelligent person, staying true to her goal of teaching the young French girl, but she eventually gave in to the temptations of human contact and relationships.

I wondered briefly if all humans were susceptible to this weakness and if there was any sort of cure for it.

"Gaara?" Lee's tone was almost cautious, as if he were afraid this were someone else answering the phone. That, or that he was afraid that I truly _was_ the one answering it.

"Lee," I replied, slipping a marker into my book. With my free hand, I rubbed at my temples; my vision was starting to swim. As I waited for the store keeper to reply, I glanced at the clock. It read "9:57". Still a bit early.

"How are you?" He'd gained his enthusiasm back; I had to hold the phone a few inches away from my ear. If I had to listen to this level of volume every time he called me, I would have to have something running in the background next time. His voice pierced the silent air of my dorm room.

I bit back a sigh. Why had I agreed to giving him my phone number? This sort of interaction required plenty of talking. "I'm fine."

"Ah, that's good to hear. If you've been wondering," which I haven't, but I wouldn't interrupt him merely to inform him, "The store has been busier lately now that the holidays are over. I see students like you hurry in here to get books that they'd forgotten, or had been too lazy, to get so they could start the new semester. How's school?"

I mulled over my answer. What would be the shortest way to tell him about the work done here? I could go on and on about the details of law, but that would only encourage him. "Busy," I said, feeling that word was appropriate to describe the hours spent examining the finer aspects of the jurisdiction.

"Ah." It seemed my lack of responses was starting to get to him. A brief silence stretched between his next reply, as if he were considering his next words carefully. "Are you too busy to... Say, grab a cup of coffee?"

Hmm. Coffee. I've been away from my cafe for a little over a week now and I've already started to get tired of the difference between the brew at the nearby coffee shop and the one near Lee's shop. It would be horribly convenient for me to have both of them at the same time. But was it really worth it?

"What, now?" I asked, easily coming off as irritated. With this answer, I would be able to determine his desire to see me. To be honest, I wouldn't mind stopping by the cafe and perhaps pick up a package of their instant mix to bring here. The drive wasn't long and the night was still young; but would Lee have the same opinion as me?

"Ah, well, erm..." Seemed to have cracked him here. And Temari says I am not good with dealing with people. I can read Lee like a book. "If you'd like, I would be glad to have your company tonight. I-If it's not too late."

A sigh escaped my lips. "Have you not noticed the dark rings around my eyes? You must be blind to have not noticed. Obviously I have no trouble dealing with late hours."

"So is that a yes?"

I bit back another sigh. Damn, that coffee sounded really good right about now. "Yes. Yes, it's a yes, I'll see you soon."

And with that I shut my phone, ending the call. As I slipped the device into my pocket, I rubbed at the shell of my ear. It has been a long time since I've spent shared a call between someone for this long. I glanced at the clock again. It read "10:09". Twelve minutes. Much too long for my liking.

* * *

Lee seemed to have remembered where the cafe was. It was almost quarter past eleven o'clock by the time I arrived, finding the brunet standing by the door. This particular cafe ran 24/7, luckily for me and my bouts of insomnia, which occurred more often than not. I spared Lee a quick, acknowledging glance before stepping inside.

The store was nearly empty at this hour. A few disgruntled students nursed their caffeine sources like their dearest lifeline, hanging their heads as they sat at the small tables. One man sat at a table simply enjoying his purchase, as if the late hour meant nothing to him.

I joined Lee at a table for two. When I had seated myself, he mumbled something about not drinking caffeine at such a late hour, it messed with his internal clock. I nodded absently, taking a long sip of my muchly missed coffee.

"So," he said conversationally, idly twiddling his thumbs together. I stared at them as he spoke. "We can, ah, stay here, or go back to the store. It's closed right now, so no one can bother us."

"Store," I replied, standing up. Even though it was relatively quiet in here, I would prefer a place with less people in it. Less chances of having to deal with the human race.

Lee gave me a questioning look, but said nothing further. Placing my tin of coffee mix into the crook of my free arm, I followed him onto the street.

It was a quiet walk. I stood a distance away from Lee; not so far that I would not be able to hear him in the dead of the night, but far enough that I had enough space to breathe in. In this time, I studied the store keeper silently.

Lee stifled a yawn with his hand, moving it to rub at his eyes soon after. The small action seemed to wipe away his aura of sleepiness. It was also self-consciously controlled, as if he knew that I was looking. He was awfully quiet tonight. Whether or not that was out of his character I had not the information to assume.

It was as though he was preparing for something. I had no idea what to expect from him, though that was part of the strange appeal that had brought me out here in the middle of the night. Lee caught my gaze and smiled softly. In response, I crinkled my brow at him. Was he looking for something in particular?

When we arrived at the shop, the lights were out, the dim moonlight being our only guide in the dark of the night. Lee unlocked the door and we stepped inside.

With a flick of his wrist, Lee turned on a few of the lights. The artificial rays bled out into the sidewalk, illuminating the fading coffee stain and bringing several of the shelves of books before me into sharp focus.

We found ourselves seated on the counter again. Lee was resting his weight on his hands, stretched out behind him with his legs crossed. I took up as little space as I possibly could on a corner of the small island.

"So you don't have any friends, huh?" To the point, not bothering with any sort of niceties that this man usually played with in his speech. I liked it when people spoke like this. There was less time wasted.

"No," I replied, keeping my tone monotone. Might as well answer that question lingering on the tip of his tongue. "It's much too time consuming to have to maintain a "friendship" with someone." The fact that I was a little intimidated by the idea of letting someone that close to me again was something Lee didn't need to know.

Like I said before: I would let Lee consider me to be his friend, but there was no way I would think of him as mine.

Lee blew a disbelieving breath between slightly parted lips. "Wow." I glanced at him over the top of my knees and saw a brief flash of pain in his eyes, his gaze focused somewhere over my shoulder. "You are a strong person to be able to shoulder the pain of loneliness."

"It's just easier this way."

"Easier?!" Lee sat up, his eyes blazing. "How can life be easy without the loving support of others?" He continued on to rant about that blasted springtime of youth crap again. I glanced at my watch, squinting to identify the positions of the hands. It was half past eleven already.

The store keeper looked away from me again. He seemed to be mulling something over in his eyes, his bottom lip falling victim to the contemplative process. When he spoke again, his tone was calmer, more restrained.

"I once had a great friend. No, he was more than that. He was my hero, my idol, my father. His name was Gai, and now he rests where the beautiful sun shines always.

"We were closer than butter on bread! He showed me, and many others, how to live out my youth in the most grand and pure ways imaginable! He was to me as I was to him: everything. He was my world and everything I did revolved around him.

"Now, I know that I'm not exactly... good looking. I've heard that my eyes are a huge turn off. But, ah, anyway, I wasn't very popular in school. I didn't really have time to try and make friends anyway, what with school and everything. Because dad was everything to me, I couldn't disappoint him with bad grades. My love for him was very consuming.

"One day, dad got sick. His mother had a weak immune system, which she passed down to him. It happened again when I was in university and I... lost him.

"I had no idea what to do then. He was my world, my everything. I was in a very dark place, Gaara. I believed that there was nothing good to live for anymore."

He paused to give me a very poignant stare. So maybe Lee wasn't as stupid as he looked. It was hard for me to grasp his reasoning for telling me this, but now...

Lee spoke again, stopping me from continuing that train of thought. "But I had wonderful friends to bring me back to my feet. A helping hand can lead you out of the darkness, Gaara. You just have to have hope."

**But how can you be sure that that hand truly wants to help?**

I broke off our shared look to clamp my eyes shut. It was that voice again. My own human weakness that I desperately tried to suppress.

**You know that humans are vile creatures.**

_Yes, but Lee has just proven that he knows what it's like to hurt. He knows what he's doing._

Slowly, hesitantly, I cracked an eyelid open. Lee was looking at me with concerned eyes, silently questioning about my inner conflict. He reached out to touch my shoulder, his hand radiating warmth that reached me through my coat. I flinched, shying away.

I wouldn't, couldn't trust him. I've had these walls for so long now, protecting me; this fool would not break them down so easily.

Lee sighed, but despite the weariness laced in the heavy breath, undertones of patience shone through. He slid the heel of his palms over his eyes, wiping away unshed tears.

How could this man show his weaknesses so easily? Had he no fear, no discretion? I managed to unravel out of the ball I had curled up into and watched as a smile made its way across his face. How could he smile in a situation like this?

A yawn broke through the sudden silence, reminding me of the late hour. I would be home early in the morning if I didn't leave soon.

Lee seemed to have remembered the time and stood up, stretching as he went. He walked to the door and held it open for me.

"It was nice seeing you again," he said pleasantly, sleepiness starting to creep into his voice, "Have a safe drive home, Gaara."

The way he said my name in such a civil tone confused me further. This man was certainly a puzzle. He was like no other person I knew.

As I walked past him, I gently touched my shoulder. Why he decided that I would be a friend of his was beyond me. People hated me; I was cold, uncaring. I wasn't sure why I was even here. Maybe Lee's effort was enough to compensate for both of us. But why was he trying so hard?

Was he trying to save me from that darkness that he spoke of?

I disregarded that thought as I climbed into my car. No, I was in no sort of darkness, I, I didn't need anyone's help--

**Oh, stop trying to fool yourself. This is all inevitable, anyway. If not this thick-skulled fool, then it would have been another. Let yourself go**_._

_So you're trying to help now? Whatever kind of warped assistance your presence brings, anyway._

The green light ahead of me was soothing, assuring me that I would be safe in my room soon. Apparently my inner filth couldn't wait until we got home.

**Hah, filth or not, I'm still a part of you. Why don't you listen to your "warped" human instincts for once? Am I too wild for your liking? I'm more fun than your stupid, highly restrained control anyway. **

_Yeah, sure. Fun. You could put it that way. Hell, you're the _only_ one who would put it that way._

**Only because you don't remember what fun is.**

I slammed the brakes a little too hard, earning a terrified look from a pedestrian about to cross. I glowered at the poor fool as she scurried past my car.

Damn, I didn't have time for this shit. I should probably go over the essay criteria and get this voice out of my head; it wasn't good for my health. Maybe even stop by the library. Whatever got me thinking straight again.

**Not enough time? Listen to me, that store keeper is right. You need friends to help you out of the darkness. Real friends. Yashamaru was not a real friend. He only lead you further into the darkness. Stop running. You have to face it. You're only plunging deeper and deeper every time you hiss at him, or your siblings, or even your father. You only have so much time in this world, don't spend it in this grave you've dug yourself into.  
**  
I was breathing hard, anger flaring as I listened, against my will, to this... this unreasonable voice in the back of my head. I knew I was crazy; I'd grasped that concept when terror gripped me every time I was forced to interact with another human being all those years in high school. Apparently I hadn't grew out of it like I'd thought.  
_  
Look. I am in no darkness. See, I'm still alive, no crazy-- dammit, scratch that. No suicidal thoughts or anything ridiculous like that. You are nothing but a nuisance; an outlet for all those pointless and error-ridden _human_ thoughts that I've suppressed. Go back to whatever part of my mind you came from and _stay there_._

At the next red light, I pressed my forehead to the steering wheel and clamped my eyes shut, trying to will away that voice. Someone behind me hit his horn at least three times before I looked back up, certain that I had successfully hidden away those unnecessary thoughts.

The next time I hit the brakes too sharply, it was to stop my car from hitting the clearance gate before entering the school parking lot.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry for all the script mishaps. I decided that the voice in Gaara's head, which is becoming increasingly contradictory with his changing thoughts, should probably be in bold to avoid some confusion. Not all of Gaara's thoughts are a reply to that voice, but it can still hear everything that he's thinking, 'cause hell, he's sub-consciously thinking those thoughts and it would be hard to hide some thoughts from another when they're all in the same head. Oy. See, I have maintained some of Gaara's insanity! Only the italicized parts are Gaara's conscious replies to that voice. I should probably go edit the other chapters with it in them.

Thank you to all you readers! Hopefully I'm not skewering anyone's mind. But if I have, feel free to inform me. Hope you've enjoyed so far!


	4. Ease

Chapter Four - Ease

"Goodbye, Mr. Hoffman," I murmured in farewell to the head of the Hoffman and Company firm. It was a general partnership, and I had no idea why I was called to do an internship here; I had no intention of ever joining this partnership. They were probably hoping to convince me to think otherwise, but I had other plans in mind.

I stood outside of the building, suitcase in hand. It was becoming difficult to breathe in this suit, so I unbuttoned my coat and took a seat on a bench nearby. If any person was to walk by, it would look like I was simply waiting for the bus to come.

Three weeks had passed since I last visited the book store. Lee had called me at least ten times over this period of time; I'd only answered four. It seemed that conversation with that man unearthed that blasted voice in the back of my mind and kept him there for longer than I deemed comfortable. The only reason that I had answered some of his calls was that I was bored and figured that having my ear chatted off would be a decent way to pass time.

That argument still had merit to it after all this time, didn't it? I may have used it a month ago when visiting him in January, but it was still a valid reason to talk with him.

Even if my subconscious often disagreed with it.

Mrs. Stark, one of the partners in the firm behind me, passed by me and gave me a slightly nervous smile. I merely stared at her in response. She didn't like me very much; every time I spoke, I could tell that my voice unnerved her. She was weak if something as simple as another's voice could upset her.

I crossed my legs on the bench, rubbing at my temples. Midterms were coming up and I still had to do an investigation on an old case. That meant I had to dig up the files from Konoha's court and basically rewrite everything written in them. I would probably have to do an essay on that as well. This trivial work was starting to become old.

I found it only mildly surprising that my most urgent concern was the fact that I had run out of coffee. If I wanted more, then I would have to go back to the cafe and increase my chances of talking to Lee. Whether or not that was a good thing I wasn't sure.

I sighed. I talked to him a few days ago. It would probably be good to alert him ahead of time that I would be stopping by.

* * *

I stepped out of the cafe, drink in hand. The store was still running, so I would have to go there to see him instead of meeting him here. At least now I had some time to prepare myself for the mental ravaging he would do, even if unintentionally.

"Hey you!" I looked up from my cup. A blond was standing down the sidewalk, pointing at me. "You Gaara?"

Cautiously, I nodded. Who was this guy and how the hell did he know my name?

He approached me, radiating a relaxed aura, with his hands behind his head casually. A lopsided grin added to his fox-like appearance as he sauntered over. "I've heard a lot about you, man. Geez, pushing Fuzzy-Brow's buttons like that. I've only seen Neji do that before. He must have a huge standard or something."

I gave this guy a quizzical look. "What are you talking about?"

He popped an eye open, looking me over. Involuntarily, I swallowed thickly under the scrutiny of his gaze. Dammit, he better hurry up and tell me what he wants, or else I'll have to leave without seeing Lee.

"Oh, nothing," he said, dismissing what he'd said with a wave of his hand, "Damn. You remind me of that bastard already and I've been talking to you for, what, a minute?" He continued to wave his hand, making it known that that topic was done and not to be touched again for a while. "My name's Naruto Uzumaki, by the way. Remember it, 'cause I'll be your president one day."

I gave this Naruto a blank stare. Right. Like I cared.

Naruto finally opened his eyes, a deep blue staring straight at me. That cold sweat returned as I wondered just what the hell he was planning to do with me. His friendly demeanor changed to something analytical, a sharp contrast to what it had been before.

"Like I was saying, you've become one of Fuzzy-Brow's little problems, and as his friend, I have to help him with it. He hasn't told me much, telling me some crap about "imposing on others", but I know that look in his eye." I was starting to lose him as he rambled on about some sort of... inside joke, perhaps, but he finally regarded me again. "So what's your problem? Not a social type?"

"I prefer to use my time for more practical reasons," I replied coolly. I didn't exactly like the idea of Lee talking about me with others, but I could rely on his politeness so that he wouldn't reveal too much. It's not like I've told him anything important, anyway.

"Tch, another guy married to his work, huh? Yep, more and more like the bastard," Naruto said, more to himself than me, with a nod. "Listen, whatever you're thinking about living for only yourself or some sort of goal or some shit like that, I don't really care; just stop it."

My eyes widened. I haven't told Lee about that, have I? No, no, I haven't told him anything about myself. Maybe he knew of my genius and was making his own conclusions? Someone working for the city might have access to those kinds of files, or hell, even newspapers. But the way he talks seems that he hasn't heard of me from anyone but Lee.

**Haha, he's onto you. I assume that he has a friend like you, else he wouldn't be able to read you so well. Normally, I would advise you to simply let him do and say whatever he wants, but you never listen to me anyway. Just be careful of what you say.**

_Like I'd tell him anything_.

That wasn't what I was talking about... But you'll see what I mean.

"I don't know anything about you, but based on your lack of social knowledge and the fact that your work is everything to you, I can guess that you're just pretty damn lonely, right?"

Dammit, I wasn't going to show weakness to this stranger. Just who the hell did he think he was, anyway? Already he was assuming things about me, just like everyone else.

"And what does it matter to you?" I asked, feeling the urge to throw my cup of coffee at him. Then again, that would be a waste of money and a perfectly good drink.

Naruto stared at me a little longer before releasing a sigh, deflating considerably. "Damn, I am just not as good at this intimidating thing as Sasuke is." Despite the fact that he was talking to himself, he perked up, a new determination in his eyes. "Oh well, that'll just make me a better president for these people. Serve them right, too, 'cause I'm not a fuckin' monster here."

...Right. I've had enough of dealing with this guy.

I started to walk past him, but the blond reached out and grabbed my shoulder. The next move I made was out of instinct, and it barely registered in my mind as I wrenched his wrist away from my body. He reeled it back to him, rubbing at the joint gingerly.

"Geez, what the hell?" he muttered, still more to himself than me. If he was just talking to no one, it would probably be easier for me to just leave. "It wasn't like I was trying to hurt you."

"Like I should believe you," I said, managing to keep my tone steady. I stared at him, wondering if he would retaliate, before realizing that that was a stupid move that only gave him time to answer me.

"Hmph, you really are like him. Does that come with the emotional baggage, too?" Naruto set his arms by his sides, looking me in the eye again. "There are too many of us in this world. You know, the abandoned, the hated, the lonely. There shouldn't be this many."

Maintaining the eye contact, I turned to face him again. He probably knew more than I originally thought. Someone who shares the same pain as I do can't possibly hate me like the rest of them do... Maybe that's why Lee..

The blond grinned at my silence. "Ah, so you finally get it, huh? Well come on, then, let's hurry up and get to the store already. Pretty sure the bastard dropped by for a visit."

He started towards the bookstore, his hands behind his head again.

I knew those eyes looked familiar... They were like mine. They reflected the pain of loneliness, weighed on one's shoulders for too many years to count. Except his were different than the ones in the mirror in the way they held determination. Nowadays, mine held something more like resignation. Lee's eyes shone differently than a normal person's, though his held more hope than anything.

What did Naruto do to make his different than mine...?

"Oy!" he yelled, looking over his shoulder. "Hurry up! I'm sure you're late for whatever meeting you've set up with Fuzzy-Brows; don't make me late as well."

With a hint of a scowl on my face, I hurried to catch up to him. In a matter of minutes we were in the bookstore, the light of the afternoon sun mingling with that of the fluorescent light bulbs above. A dark-haired man stood in front of the counter facing Lee, his hands in his pockets. When the bell above the door rang, he turned towards us. My eyes set upon a pair of hard, dark, and somber ones, though they softened a bit when the man looked at Naruto.

"Dumbass," he said to Naruto in acknowledgment. This must be the bastard he couldn't stop talking about.

"You really shouldn't call Naruto a dumbass, Sasuke," Lee said with a resigned smile. It seemed as though he was used to their banter.

Naruto approached Sasuke and gave him a light shove. "Bastard."

Lee's large eyes finally found me, lighting up in a similar fashion to Sasuke's. Soon they rounded in a warm smile. "Hello, Gaara, good to see you again. I see you've already met Naruto." The last part of his sentence was colored in a small laugh, as if our meeting was amusing to him. I merely cocked my head in confusion, walking up to the counter.

When I looked at the pair again, Naruto's arm was about his shoulders, looking ready to put him in a headlock. Whatever their relationship was, it appeared to be somewhat violent. Perhaps I truly didn't know the intricacies of human interaction, as Sasuke didn't look at all perturbed by the potential threat. In fact, he look accustomed to it, to the point he was comforted by the familiarity of the situation. All in all, he looked.. relaxed.

Truly a puzzling sight indeed.

"I know this looks a little odd," Naruto said, grinning at my quizzical expression, "But really, I know he loves me."

Sasuke's eyebrow quirked at that. He took a swing at the blond's head, but Naruto caught it easily, using it to twist his body to face the latter's. Obviously pleased, Naruto leaned in to press his lips against the brunet's.

Intricate and unique were the ways of human courtship. Luckily, I haven't been caught up in that business yet...

Speaking of confusing human terms... "Lee," I said, tone slightly inquiring, "Naruto said that I'm a problem of yours. What did he mean by that?"

For a moment Lee looked shocked, surprised that Naruto had gone out and told me what was probably a secret. He gave the blond in question an exasperated look, a sweat breaking out on his forehead.

"G-Gaara," he stuttered, a nervous smile stretching his lips, "Ah, what Naruto meant by that was--"

"Oh, suck it up, Fuzzy-Brows," Naruto interrupted, an impatient look on his face, "We all know you're too polite and proper to really tell him what you mean."

Lee spluttered, stunned speechless. This was true; I couldn't imagine Lee saying anything vulgar. But the idea of him thinking of something inappropriate about me...? I was rather intrigued, turning my full attention on the cheeky blond wrapped up in pale arms.

Sasuke looked indifferent. If it weren't for the fact that he was tangled in Naruto's arms, I wouldn't even thought he was part of the conversation.

A blush was starting to form on Lee's face. He probably realized that there was no stopping this big-mouthed man.

"Dude, he likes you, simple as that," Naruto said, a wry smile tilting his mouth, "And when I say like, I don't mean "take you out for tea and biscuits" like, I mean bend you over and lube you up-- mmph!"

Naruto glared at the man owning the hand clamped across his face. Sasuke gave me a flat look and in the corner of my eye I could see Lee turn a bright shade of red. If I was familiar with the sensation of laughing, I had a feeling now would have been a good time to do so.

Oh. So he was... sexually interested in me? i still wasn't making the connection with who Lee is and what Naruto was implying.

Brow furrowed, i turned back to Lee. "So you want to have sex with me...?"

It was almost the same sort of reason Yashamaru wanted to be friends with me. For some personal gain. But this store keeper was much too upright for that sort of thinking.

Besides, there's been too much work put into this odd relationship of ours... Surely he was beyond sex...?

"I-- Uh, I, I," Lee paused to swallow thickly. "N-No. O-Of course not."

I rolled my eyes. "Your initial hesitation makes me believe otherwise, Lee. It's not like you to lie."

Sasuke sighed, hand still stifling his boyfriend. "In these kinds of situation, your first instinct is to lie to save yourself some embarrassment. Obviously you know no such thing."

Right. Sex was sometimes a taboo subject, especially between same sex pairings. Which reminds me that I should educate myself on that Matthew Shepard Act...

Chewing my bottom lip in thought, I hopped onto the counter, head in hand. So I'm a problem worth mentioning to a friend, which must mean that it's a common thought. This friend also believes that this problem is related to sex. I suppose this means that Lee has some sort of romantic interest in me, as much as I can deduct with my limited knowledge of the subject.

Lee is the first person to even imply the idea of having any sort of romantic thoughts about me, if my reasoning is correct.

"What do you really want from me, Lee?" This line of thought was much too confusing. I had no hard evidence to prove my conjecture, so I thought I might as well ask.

His blush had died down to a red splotch staining his cheeks as opposed to the full flush stemming from his neck. in the distance, I could hear Naruto's shoes scuffling against the tile floor as Sasuke pulled him out of the store.

"I wasn't planning on springing this up on you just yet, but, ah, I suppose I can't help it when I have friends like Naruto," Lee replied, rubbing the back of his neck. He was certainly good at deflecting when he put his mind to it, which wasn't very often considering he was as straight forward as telephone pole. "To be honest... I was hoping to introduce you to the youthful world of romance and love. But I wanted to ease you in slowly, since you have a, um, lack of experience."

How typical for the store keeper to have another's interests in mind before his own.

If everyone was being honest, I am curious as to how a romantic relationship works... but I'm not sure if I'm ready to plunge into that kind of thing.

**If you can trust anyone, you can trust this bozo. Hell, you're what, twenty-two? And you've never had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend for that matter, before. Why not?**

**Are you afraid of losing your only bond?**  
_  
I... hadn't really thought of it that way_.

Just take the chance. I know it's more than you just being curious.

"And just..." I began, seriously contemplating this new idea, "How do you plan on doing that?"

A look of genuine surprise made Lee's eyes look even bigger and rounder. "Oh, ah, just the traditional date or two, nothing really different than what we've been doing already..."

"So dating isn't much different than spending time with another?" People make it seem so overrated compared to Lee's explanation.

"In theory, no, I suppose not," Lee replied with a light chuckle. He climbed onto the counter, taking up the space next to me. I could feel his body heat radiating from him due to our proximity. A nervous sweat began to spring up on my skin. "But there are so many levels to this part of our youth, Gaara. I'm just not sure if you're ready for this kind of thing."

He ran a few fingers down the side of my jaw to prove his point. I almost jumped out of my skin. When I settled down once more, he lifted both of his prominent eyebrows, a slight challenge in the undertones of the action.

I stared at him, swallowing a lump in my throat. I hadn't run away just yet. There had to be hope for me, there had to be a chance that I was able to have a try at something like a relationship. Lee could be proof of that. He wanted to be proof of that.

**It's a lot easier said than done, kid.**

_I know that._

**...Seems like you finally have some sort of faith for something other than yourself. Well, I'm here with you a hundred percent. Not like I can do much about that, though. But how do you plan on going through with this idea of yours?**

Lee stared back me, his shoulders tense as if he were restraining his body from getting any closer. How it could take actual effort to do that baffled me just as much as this whole predicament.

I reached out, mimicking Lee's earlier movements. Lee's eyelids drooped a fraction, his round eyes still fixed on me.

"Gaara..." he murmured, as if tasting the name for the first time. The tone of his voice made me shudder slightly. "Are you sure...?"

"As sure... as I'll ever be," I muttered in response. I watched as his hand found mine, lightly holding onto my fingers as if I were a fragile piece of glass. It was all I could feel I could tolerate, heat starting to claw at my throat.

I found it surprising just how long we could sit there on that counter simply staring at each other.

* * *

A/N: Gaara's subconscious sure is talkative, huh?  
Well, none of this is really coming out the way I want it to, so the only reason I'm still writing it is because I need to practice these characters in an alternate universe. They wouldn't be the same in canon because their circumstances are different, but they need to have some resemblance. But I am writing a different AU which I am actually going to plan out, thank god, with a lot more involvement of other characters.

Thanks to any and all readers out there! Hope you enjoy this scattered mess!


	5. Change

Chapter Five - Change

I didn't answer my phone for the next two weeks. Even if it was just Temari or even an internship offer; I didn't touch my phone for fourteen days straight, afraid of what could be on the other end.

No, I couldn't do this, I don't know what would happen if I answered it and it was Lee and he asked me to come over and he touched me again and demanded too much, took too much, I can't give that much--

Distantly, the sound of wheezing greeted my ears. It took me a few moments to realize that I was the one making that sound.

Good god, I was going insane. Wait, scratch that-- I was already insane. Is there anything worse than insane?

It was a good thing that class and work were so distracting. I had a feeling that if I was left to my own thoughts, my worries about Lee would consume me whole.

It was true that he is my first true "bond" and I don't want to ruin that. But that's the reason why I can't go through with this. There was no way I was going to go over there and just let things change. That's even crazier than I am.

On the fifteenth day, I was huddled up in my room when a knock sounded at the door. I froze in my chair, bent over a biology lab. Who could that be? No one in school ever had the courage to bother me. Why would this fact suddenly change?

Slowly, I stood up to answer the door. Behind it was a pale brunet, his light eyes staring at me with a hard, angry look. He looked familiar, though I couldn't remember any names...

"You," he said, his voice just as stony as his eyes, "What the hell did you do to Lee?"

Neji. This was the guy that looked like he had something going on with Lee when I saw him. My grip tightened on the doorknob, afraid he might barge in here and attack me.

"I didn't "do" anything to Lee," I replied, fighting to keep my voice at an audible tone. He looked ready to kill.

"Are you sure? Because I've seen him like this before, and I can only think of one reason," Neji said, planting a hand in the door way. In response, I closed the door a fraction.

"And what reason is that?"

"Someone who is important to him isn't talking to him. The last time that happened was when his father died, and that was a pretty fucking important person."

His eyes looked angry with worry, outraged that I would dare to do such a thing.

I didn't think I was that important to Lee...

"I'm only going to ask this one more time. If you don't answer, I will make you answer," Neji snarled, leaning in towards me. I flinched, drawing away.

"I... haven't talked to him... in two weeks," I muttered, eyes shut. Shit, shit, shit! This guy was going to maim me, wasn't he?!

"Oh Jesus," Neji whispered, the air around him moving away from me. The sound of skin hitting skin came from in front of me; he probably hit himself.

"And I thought something good was finally happening for him," Neji continued, more to himself than to me, "He hasn't been that happy since I..."

I opened my eyes. Neji was staring at the curves of the wood of the doorframe, face blank and at a total loss.

Suddenly, all the life returned to his face. Even his eyes looked darker as he regarded me with a fierce expression, fingers digging into the wall beside me. "You are going to talk to him. Right. Now."

Hurriedly, I nodded. Oh god. If I didn't follow what he said, he was going to physically assault me, I just knew it.

I scrambled back into the room and searched for my phone. It was resting on my nightstand, the time blinking dully in the dimmed lights.

In the background, I could hear Neji rambling on to himself. "God, Lee is such a dumbass! He always takes things too seriously. He put way too much faith into this thing you bastard started with him. I can't look at him anymore! It's too depressing! It was like the time I told him about Hinata!"

With trembling hands, I picked up my phone. I didn't know this guy could talk so much. A hysterical tone colored his voice as he stomped around my dorm.

Soon enough, his angry snarls quieted down to grumbling, and he took a seat on my bed. I took a deep breath. I had to do this.

I searched through my caller's list and found Lee's at the top. His name took up most of the space; a few calls from Temari and Kankuro interrupted the strong flow of missed calls from Lee. There were also unknown callers, the kind that made me a little nervous to look at when my mind registered the word "unknown".

One ring. With caller id, Lee must have scrambled to answer when he saw my name.

"G-Gaara!" he stuttered, voice alarmed and much too loud, just like I remembered.

"Lee," I responded, comforted with the familiarity of the exchange. Normally, though, Lee's voice wouldn't sound so surprised. It would be warm and welcoming, just as usual.

"Wh-What-- I mean-- How-- Why-- Why?!" he stammered, finally deciding on the monosyllabic word that somehow formed a question.

I faltered. There would be no good answer for this, but there were several.

"I..." That sounded like a good start.

**God, you are such a pussy. What the hell. I can't believe I let you do this.**

_That might be because you haven't spoken to me in two weeks, as well._

**Don't remind me. You sure are good at repression when you're panicked. Just tell him that you were worried about the change. At least that's true, right?**

_What the hell would you know?!_

Still, it was a legitimate response. I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that I was actually giving in to my human side.

"I... Panicked," I said slowly, choosing my words carefully, "It would be a huge change."

There was silence on the other side. It eventually became mumbling, but I was able to strain my hearing in order to hear him.

"I knew it was too soon... Dammit, Naruto, putting ideas in my head..." Lee muttered under his breath. When his voice became level, there was an obvious strain in it. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let it happen. It was too soon."

"Lee..." I murmured, at a loss. This tone of voice... It was so alien, my chest was tightening at the sound. And just when I was becoming reaccustomed to the feeling of familiarity...

I didn't know what to say. He sounded pained, just as Neji had implied. I knew that he shouldn't sound like this, but I didn't know what I should do to stop it, or even if I had the power. I haven't done anything like this before.

"Gaara," Neji said, his voice startling me out of my thoughts. "You should go to him."

Lee still hadn't found his voice. Panic began to pump through my system.

Shit. If I went over there, I had no idea what would happen. I was starting to get tired of this whole clueless thing. Normally I was in control, knowing what all the possibilities were in certain situations. But this escaped my knowledge. I didn't know what the next move was.

"I'm sorry for bothering you," Lee said softly, still retaining that stressed tone, "I'll give you more time to yourself. You sound like you need it."

"Lee," I repeated, some of my panic bleeding into my voice. I couldn't let him hang up like this, that would leave even more unknown possibilities. I still had to get rid of that foreign lilt in his voice.

"Y-Yes?"

"I..." Neji glared at me again. I guess that I was still under his command. "I'm coming over."

Unable to bring myself to hear his response, I clicked my phone shut. With a quivering hand, I slipped the device into my pocket.

When I looked up, Neji gave me an approving nod. Apparently he had gathered his composure and deemed me unworthy of a verbal reply. He walked briskly out of my room. I grabbed my keys before following him out.

* * *

Luckily Neji hadn't come into my car to boss me around even more. My fingers gripped the steering wheel in a grasp that was uncomfortably tight.

I can't believe I was going through so much shit simply because of one man.

Soon enough, I found myself on the street in front of the book store. The ground was covered in snow, the late February drafts keeping it fresh. At the door I hesitated; it was just past closing, but the lights were still on. He was expecting me.

Oh god.

My hand lingered on the door jamb. Eventually it fell as the door was pulled open, an openly concerned Lee on the other side.

"Gaara...?" The light streaming in from behind him conflicted with the shadows of the late winter night, bringing out the bags from under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping a lot.

I didn't know that I affected him this much.

My mouth wouldn't open, so I merely nodded, acknowledging his greeting.

"Come in, come in," he said quietly, turning to allow me inside. The warmth of the building was comfortable compared to the harsh winds outside.

When the door shut, a sort of quiet settled in the room. Lee didn't face me, only continued walking as his fingers ghosted over the top of the counter. As soon as he stopped, I held my breath, anxious of what he was to say.

"...I just have to ask," he murmured, and despite the low sound of his voice, it was immensely loud to my ears, "Why you just... Didn't talk to me... At all... for two weeks... and then suddenly call."

He seemed to add that last part as an afterthought, effectively avoiding his first question.

"I had a visitor," I stated, still standing in front of the door. "By the name of Neji."

Lee whirled on his heel, his eyes wide. "Oh my god. He didn't... What did he say?"

I shrugged. "He told me that you were acting weird. More specifically, he asked me what I did to make you act that way. That calling you would... help, maybe."

Maybe that was part of the answer to keep that tone out of his voice. It was pretty stupid of me to just drop contact, but... I guess it's too late to worry about change now.

Being here in his presence was making that intolerable falter in his demeanor more and more prominent.

A bitter smile curved Lee's lips. He was springing up more and more foreign expressions with every passing moment. "Ah. Neji is a bit... protective sometimes."

Another silence passed. I stared at Lee, whose eyes were trained on the space by his feet. I hadn't moved from the doorway and it didn't seem like Lee would be making his way over any time soon.

Goddamn it, I hadn't accomplished anything.

"Since you're here, I guess that means that... You're talking to me again...?" On the questioning intone, he looked up at me. His round eyes were hopeful, a spark of that light in them once again.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I managed a nod before I was faced with the sensation of his strong arms wrapping around my shoulders, his nose falling into the crook of my shoulder.

"I've missed you."

Lee was radiating a warmth that was almost as suffocating as the embrace he had locked me into. My eyes widened in surprise at the sudden invasion of my personal space.

Luckily, Lee decided that he would be merciful and let me go after another quick squeeze. When he let me go, I pressed a hand to my chest to make sure that it was still expanding with breaths. The store keeper in front of me grinned widely.

At least that was back to normal. I still didn't know just what the hell was wrong with my chest.

"I'm glad that you didn't push me away," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, "I was fully expecting you to hit me and run away."

My hand lingered on the front of my shirt as I glared at him. "I'm not that petty, Lee."

He continued to smile and shrugged. "Alright then. Wanna go out for coffee?"

I swallowed a lump in my throat and it seemed to quell the odd ache in my chest. I took another deep breath.

"Sure."

It was starting to feel as if nothing had changed at all.

* * *

A/N: I am indecisive as hell, but I hope this kinda makes up for the boo-boo I made last chapter. Guh. The fluctuating thoughts. They burn.

Thanks to the readers and for reviews! Hope you enjoyed!


	6. Struggle

**Chapter Six - Struggle**

The next weekend, the one before Spring Break, I was standing by the New Additions section in the store. Lee was currently busy assisting a young boy find the sequel to a fantasy book that had recently come out. The boy looked like he was around seven years old. It was surprising he was reading books this long.

Bored, I ran my fingers over the cover of a picture book. An acrylic rabbit in mid-jump was the main focus of the picture, the title something heinously simple and written in horrendously bright, pastel colors. I grimaced. Maybe I could occupy myself somewhere else.

The bell above the door rung and a disheveled Tenten walked in, a backpack halfway down her shoulder. She gave me a nod as she passed by, heading straight to the employee's section in the back of the store. I followed behind her, figuring it was the perfect opportunity to find something much more interesting to do.

I closed the door behind me, having caught it before it did so by itself. This door was normally locked, but it closed very slowly and was hard to slam. Tenten had tried to do so a few times when I had visited, angry at something I had no knowledge of.

Tenten was bent over a bag, shoving her gloves into them. It was early March and the snow had melted, but winter winds persisted to blow about. I would have expected one to have a hat in this weather, but Tenten's hair did not allow such a thing.

"Tenten," I said in some form of acknowledgment. She and I were not on very familiar terms, but I figured we were close enough.

Tenten glanced up at me, a sign to continue.

"What does Neji mean to Lee?" I'd been meaning to ask this question for some time now, ever since I'd had time to think about why he'd come to my room last week. Obviously he cared for Lee, and they seemed to share a lot of past experiences, and I was curious of what their relationship meant.

**It's not like you're jealous or anything.**

Along with spending more time here, I now ignored that voice in the back of my head more often. It was much easier to deal with it that way.

The woman standing by a table littered with various accessories and food containers stiffened, her hands just above the opening of her bag. Slowly, she set them down.

"Neji, he..." She glanced at me, hoping to gauge my expression. Unfortunately for her, I kept my countenance blank. With a helpless sigh, she dropped her gaze to stare at her belongings. "He's Lee's ex-boyfriend."

I opened my mouth to ask another question, but she held up a hand to stop me.

"The reason they broke up was because Neji was part of an arranged marriage with one of his family's friends' daughter, Hinata. Something to do with tradition and bloodline, I don't know, so don't ask," she finished, zipping up her bag noisily.

Seemingly done with her business with the backpack, she turned to face me, bracing her weight on the table behind her. "I was wondering when you'd ask, though I never figured you'd ask me."

I shrugged. "Lee was busy."

Tenten snorted. "Figures." She walked toward the back of the room where the refrigerator was, fishing out a soda. "You know, they were pretty close. If it weren't for that Hinata girl, I think they'd still be together. They've known each other ever since high school. Yeah, the three of us shared a lot of classes back in the day, even went to the same university after. I felt bad for Lee when Neji gave him the news."

She backtracked to the door, clad in the shop's uniform. When she was by me, she stopped to poke me in the forehead. "That's all I really know. I've known Lee and Neji for a long time, but there are some details guys don't tell girls, you know? Especially gay guys. Talk to him about it."

Without another word, she slipped past me and back into the store.

Women sure were talkative. I had vague memories of Temari constantly on the phone when we still spent a considerable amount of time in the house. Always talking to some Shikamaru...

When I exited the back room, Lee was waving goodbye to the child, smiling brightly. The bell signaled the boy's leave, allowing Lee to sit on the counter and look more relaxed. Glancing over the aisles, I could see the twin buns on Tenten's head move back and forth as she piled books back onto shelves and moved a few around.

"Lee," I said, a slight inquiring tone twisting the name, "What happened between you and Neji?"

The store keeper's relaxed position immediately tensed upon hearing the question. His round eyes became rounder as he examined me closely, considering his response.

"I... He and I... Used to be together," he said slowly, motioning with his hands as if it could fill in the spaces between his words, "Until my father died. Neji was doing an internship at his hospital and saw the whole thing through with me. But Neji, back then he was pretty stubborn. He was convinced that you couldn't change your circumstances, that you were destined to one outcome. Because dad was a motivational speaker whom I placed a lot of trust in, our thoughts conflicted. He said that dad was doomed from the start. I couldn't let myself believe that he could just leave me, you know?" Lee's eyes shone with unshed tears and his voice cracked here. For a brief moment, he paused to swipe at his eyes.

"But Neji's a good guy, really, and we did make up eventually... I was too vulnerable at that time to allow anyone close to me. And then his arranged marriage thing with Miss Hyuuga... It just wasn't meant to be, in the end," he finished, touching his mouth gently.

Well, that explained a lot. Neji probably still had feelings for Lee if he was willing to go so far for him. Or maybe their bond remained the same, only with different circumstances...? Relationships were confusing, and it wasn't worth the time to think about the past like that, especially when it did not concern me.

I was surprised when Lee directed a bright smile at me. "I'm glad that he asked you to call me, Gaara. I don't know what I would have done with myself if you avoided me for any longer."

Yes, he was much too polite to come find me when he knew I was busy with my studies.

Lee opened his mouth as if to say something, but nothing came out of his mouth as he held a finger in the air. It drooped and his jaw slackened, eyes darting around as he tried to remember what he was going to say.

"Oh yeah," he exclaimed, face brightening when he managed to capture the idea that was floating in his head, "I think that spring break starts next week. Are you doing anything?"

I thought of my father a few blocks down the road. "I don't have any plans, no."

A grin that threatened to split his face in to stretched from ear to ear. "Great! Would you like to come with us to the cottage down south?"

"...Who's "us"?"

"Why, Neji, Ms. Hyuuga, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Ino, of course!" He looked much too excited for someone who hadn't even received an affirmative yet.

The idea of so many people all at one place, especially people I didn't know, intimidated me somewhat. Of course I dealt with strangers everyday, but I knew that they didn't want to get any deeper than what was on the surface. Lee's friends, though, could be a whole different story. They could be... similar to him. I'd already met Neji, Naruo, and Sasuke, and I thought they were a handful. Well, minus Sasuke, as he seemed to be much like me.

Then again, so did Naruto. That boy is a mystery to me, and the thought rekindled intrigue I held for the blonde.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad...

"Alright..." I agreed quietly. I hadn't thought it possible, but Lee's smile brightened more and he jumped off the counter to hug me.

The sudden rush of warmth was nearly suffocating, yet welcoming. His body was like a shield, sheltering me from all outside threats. The embrace was frightening, as he was so close to killing me as well, but I also felt... secure.

It was much too cold when he left my personal space. I adjusted my coat, smoothing it down as Lee returned to his perch on the counter.

**See, you liked that, didn't you?**

I bit down the scowl that screamed to let itself known to the world. I would not allow others to see my instability, not once more.

_No. It's just that I knew that he wouldn't kill me. He could have, you know it, but since I know better, I trusted him not to._

**Which is just another way of saying that you didn't loathe it with all your being.**

_...So? I don't hate Lee. I think his presence is rather... Comforting, almost. You could say._

**Never mind. But let me commend you for your progress.**

I bit my lip. Lee was talking about a recent shipment of fantasy books and how it reminded him of the springtime of youth, or some crap along those lines. All I knew was that I didn't exactly need to pay attention, so maybe now I could interrogate my so-called subconscious desires.

_Progress in what?_

**Oh, so now you're curious. I would tell you, but only if you let me take control for a while.**

I pursed my lips. I didn't think it was worth losing my well-honed self-control simply to satisfy my curiosity.

**Fine, but the longer you put it off, the worse it'll be when I finally do come out.**

_Which will be never, I assure you._

**Just keep telling yourself that. One moment, that's all I'm asking for!**

_...What would be involved in allowing you this "one moment"?_

**All you need to do is relax and let me do the talking. Give me five minutes, tops. **

"...it'll be a five hour drive down south, so I suppose you'll be driving with me..."

...Shit. Now Lee was talking about something important while I was having an inner conflict.

**And it's not like I don't change. I mean, sometimes I'm the young you, or the sexual you, or the raging you, whatever you don't feel like releasing. If you let me out, you'll feel a lot better afterwards, I promise.**

If there was anyone I trusted, it would be myself, but this part of me was entirely different than what I normally considered myself to be. It was simply _feral_.

"...I think Naruto and Sasuke and riding with each other, and Sakura and Ino. I would bring Neji and Ms. Hyuuga with me, but he would rather keep to his own devices in situations like these..."

**Last chance. If you don't let me out now, I might just break the cage in front of all those people next week, you never know. It's been years. I deserve a break**.

"...would be separated between guys and girls, but Sasuke brought up the larger chances of, ah, inappropriate activities with gender separation, so we'll just claim rooms by pairs. It wouldn't be much different, but it appeased Neji as well, so I wasn't one to complain..."

_I think I'd be willing to take that chance, thank you. Who are you to command me? If I have managed to keep you locked up for so long, I don't think that another few years would be too hard to manage._

**Fine. Have it your way. Just remember: temptation only fuels my fire!**

"Gaara?" Lee stopped in his rambling to give me a concerned look. It prompted me to take a deep breath in order to steady myself, becoming more aware of my currently expressive countenance.

I should really avoid these mental lapses in public areas, especially near Lee. He becomes so... _worried_. It was starting to worry _me_ that he cared so much.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, "I'm just a little... tired."

Lee's face relaxed, as if he understood exactly what I meant by "tired". He didn't know the half of it. "Ah. Well, maybe you should head home. I'm sure you have a busy day tomorrow."

"It's Sunday tomorrow."

A small blush lit up his face. "Still. If you're feeling tired, then you should rest."

"Don't you know me at all?" I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. I don't sleep. I drink coffee. "I'll just grab a coffee or something."

Lee hopped off the counter eagerly. "Let me come with you."

My hand was already on the door. "Nothing's stopping you."

* * *

A/N: Woah, sorry about the delay. Got into a game called TF2 and its amazing fandom... Oh, and the new pokemon.

Anyway, I had to rewrite this chapter a few times before deciding that, well, fuck it, it's not getting any better. So really this is just "the more you know" kind of chapter and I know it's not that interesting character-interaction-wise, but it's necessary to set things up. And there will be more character interaction after this chapter, hohoho.

Anyway, thanks for reading this still, all comments are appreciated. Til next chapter.


	7. Inception

**Chapter Seven - Inception  
**

I rubbed at my eyes and shouldered a backpack. It was six am, Saturday morning, the first day of Spring Break, and Lee was standing in my dorm room by my door. He waited patiently for me to extend the handle of my other bag, one much larger than the one slung over my shoulder, and walk towards him.

"This is quite a nice room, Gaara," he said conversationally, looking around. For once his voice wasn't very loud; maybe it hadn't woken up yet? "Do you do all of your studying in here?"

I nodded, setting my bag by Lee's feet. There was a cup of coffee on my desk in a travel-safe cup, and I backtracked to retrieve it. "Mostly. Sometimes I go to the library when it isn't too busy, to get books I don't have with me here."

"Gives you the privacy you need, huh?" Lee gave me a wry grin. It was a new expression for him; normally Lee's smiles were wide and bright. Perhaps I was starting to rub off on him.

With another nod, I returned to the doorway. I pulled my keys out of my pocket and dangled them in front of Lee's face. The brunet seemed to understand the gesture and moved to open the door, allowing me out first.

"So, we're supposed to meet with the others in about half an hour," Lee explained, gesturing as we walked down the halls. It was quiet out here; most of the students had left on Friday night, and the ones that had stayed were sleeping in. "Neji ended up with Ms. Hyuuga, so it's just you and me in the car today."

I bit back a sigh. There was enough space in a car, right? If I was lucky, the time spent alone together would allow me to get used to some proximity.

_God, I can't believe that I'm actually _trying_ for him..._ At least it kept the brunet smiling. It would be odd to see him expressing any other emotion than something akin to happiness, like the time after he-

No, no, let's not think about that. The future, the car ride, anything, just not those fourteen days.

"...And I even brought a kettle with me. Easier than using a pot, right?"

I glanced up when Lee's voice registered in my head. Shit, he was talking and I hadn't heard what he was saying before that. At a bit of a loss, I nodded.

"So I guess we'll stop by your cafe before we leave. I'm sure you'll miss that coffee, huh?"

Oh, so that's what he was talking about. I nodded again. How considerate.

When I looked over to Lee again, I saw him staring at me. Confused, I tilted my head. "What?"

He had a small smile on his face, almost looking amused. "You were smiling just then."

"...What?" Smile? I don't... smile. "Are you sure you weren't seeing things?"

"I'm sure." And his eyes curved with his widening smile, grinning so hard it looked like his face would crack in half. "You should do it more often; it looks good on you."

Despite everything, the corners of my lips twitched upwards, entertained at the fact that he was acting as if me smiling was some sort of fashion trend.

Laughing, he opened the door to my dorm building, holding it open for me as I wheeled my bag out. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

There was a tin of my coffee's instant mix tucked under my arm as I stood near the door of the bookstore. I was staying as close to the exit as I could, somewhat wary of the relatively large group of people standing near the counter. There were three people, all women, whom I've never met before with Lee, Naruto, Sasuke, and Neji. One of the women, hovering especially close to Neji, had those same light eyes, a worried frown on her lips. The other two women were currently having an argument with Naruto.

"We are _not_ bunking with you!" one of them yelled. For the moment I called her "Pink-Hair"; I wonder if that hair is natural? It's so... bright. "_Especially_ if you're going to be in the same room as Sasuke. I know what you two do when you're alone."

"But I only managed to get two cabins," Naruto whined in reply, "And Neji wanted to bunk with Lee."

"Is that so?" the other woman asked. She had long, blonde hair tied up in a high ponytail. She could be "the Other Loud Blonde", because Naruto was the first. Besides, if the other woman got a name related to her hair, this one could, too.

The Other Loud Blonde leaned in close to Neji, snaking an arm about his shoulders. He shrank away, but could not escape her reach. "Come on, Neji, don't you want to stay with us? We don't bite."

Neji removed the Other Loud Blonde's arm from his body, treating it as if it could infect him if he had too much contact with it. "I am aware of that," he said coolly, "But you do bite each other, which is something I do not need to see."

Pink-Hair blushed, as well as the other girl, whom I will refer to as "White-Eyes" until I know her name.

"N-Neji," Pink-Hair stuttered, adopting a sheepish look, "We promise not to do anything in front of you if you bunk with us."

"And we'll be quiet, too!" the Other Loud Blonde added hastily.

Now if only I knew just what the hell they were talking about, I would be able to understand why I was standing by the door instead of on my way to spend a week with strangers.

Neji sighed. "As long as Lee doesn't have a problem with switching."

The two women turned to look at Lee with hope shining in their eyes, hands clasped together.

"Come on, Lee," Pink-Hair urged, "I'm sure you'll be able to handle that idiot and Sasuke."

"Yeah, yeah!" the Other Loud Blonde agreed, approaching Lee to cling to his arm, "I know you will. Help us out, will you?"

Lee gave them a nervous smile. He backed away into the counter with no where else to go and no where else to look. "O-Only if Gaara's okay with it."

Suddenly, their eyes were on me. I backed up into the door, almost falling out of the store from the force of my shock.

"Well?" the two women said in unison.

I blinked before directing my gaze to Naruto and Sasuke. The latter was leaning against the counter looking bored, while Naruto was fiddling with something on his phone, obviously not paying attention.

"Err." I looked back to Lee, who smiled reassuringly at me. _It's your choice_, his smile seemed to say, undemanding as always. "Before I agree to anything, there is one thing I would like to know: just why exactly do you want to switch cabins?"

"Because that dumbass is as loud as hell, that's why!" Pink-Hair exclaimed as if it were the clearest thing in the world.

"_Especially_ when he's drunk," the Other Loud Blonde added, nodding vigorously.

My mouth was set into a firm line. "So you think that I would enjoy his company instead."

Pink-Hair averted her gaze. "Well... not exactly. We just thought that maybe Lee could handle him instead of us."

"We, uh," the Other Loud Blonde adopted an expression similar to that of Pink-Hair. "Didn't know you'd be with him."

I sighed. These women were so chatty and I was already tired of this conversation. "If I refuse, will I be subject to listening to your complaints?"

They nodded together. By the gleam in their eyes, I could tell they already had an argument building, in case I did refuse. With another glance at Lee, who was smiling sheepishly at the two women's actions, I sighed once more.

"Alright, I'll switch," I said. I wished I could cross my arms over my chest to show that I was not entirely pleased with this decision, but my hands were full. "Can we just... go now?"

"Yes! Thank you-! Uh." Pink-Hair paused, her wide grin faltering. "I didn't quite catch your name before. I'm Sakura-"

"And I'm Ino!"

"Oh shut up, you." Sakura shoved Ino to the side, but they were both still smiling. She returned her gaze to my eyes and offered a hand. "It's nice to meet you."

I stared at her hand for a moment before taking it in a loose grip. She shook it with friendly enthusiasm, which I had no energy to try and reflect. Her eyes stayed on me for a moment longer than I would have deemed necessary, examining me, before stepping back to allow Ino to do the same thing.

"Welcome to the group," Ino said, her smile tamer than it had been moments ago, "I'm sure you'll fit in just as well as Neji does."

Over her shoulder I could see Neji aim a glare at Ino's back and I had to suppress a smirk. "I'm sure," I replied. It might have given something away; the blonde turned around to find Neji's stony gaze and she immediately removed herself from my personal space to confront him.

Lee slid up closer to me. "I'm, ah, I'm sorry about that, Gaara, we just..."

"Yeah, your friends are all like you," I said before he could bother giving me his excuses for their behavior. "Can we go now?"

Rubbing the back of his neck, Lee turned to face his friends. "So! Are we all ready to go now?"

The girls nodded, looking sheepish with their apologetic smiles. They excused themselves and I stepped out of the way of the door, allowing them outside. Neji followed them soon after, offering his arm to White-Eyes before slipping outside.

"Naruto? Sasuke?" Lee asked, fishing through his pockets for the store's keys.

Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the front of his shirt. The blond didn't seem to mind; he was too busy fiddling with his phone. As he passed by Lee, Naruto grinned and yelled,"Iruka says hi!" before being dragged out of ear shot.

It was calmer and easier to breathe once the room was emptier. Though lately I've been finding it hard to breathe around Lee, but like many other things, I normally try to ignore that.

"I'm sorry you had to meet those two like that," Lee said, a sheepish smile plastered on his face, "But yeah, we're all high school buddies. Sakura is especially close to Naruto and Sasuke, and Ino's her..." His voice faltered, much to my confusion, "Best friend. Yeah."

Still smiling - though now with more sincerity - he gently steered me out of the shop. "I'm gonna lock up, so go on ahead to the car. I'll meet you there."

He waved at me before I stepped away from the store and down onto the street. I gave one last glance in the direction of my father's house and headed for my car sitting on the side of the road.


	8. Alone in a Crowd

**Chapter Eight - Alone in a Crowd**

I stared out of the window of the passenger's seat as I waited for Lee to come into the car. It was my car, but he was driving it because I didn't know where to go. Sure, the car was expensive, and it might be a bit much to trust him with it, but I didn't care about the expenses too much; after all, it was paid for by my father, and any repairs needed could be paid for by him. I'm sure he wouldn't miss the money all that much.

Suppressing the urge to glance over when I heard the car door open, I muttered, "Hey."

"So!" I could just _hear_ the bright grin in his voice. "It's a long drive, about-"

"Five hours, I know," I interrupted. I tilted my head agaisnt the seatbelt to look at him. He blinked his wide, round eyes at me. "I looked up the place after you told me about it."

His smile turned sheepish before he ducked his head, moving to start up the engine. "Yeah. I almost forgot you could do things like that." He chuckled, sounding a bit nervous, and moved the car onto the road. "We'll catch up with the others a few miles from here; there's this gas station near this awesome diner, I used to pass by it a lot as a kid. My dad had to go to a lot of conventions and stuff, so, uh, we..."

When he trailed off, I glanced away from the window and at him. I caught his throat moving as he swallowed a lump in his throat.

"You... don't need to talk about it if you don't want to," I offered, tone quiet. I never imagined I'd be able to actually encourage him to stop talking without sounding rude, but even I could tell this sounded like a touchy subject.

Lee shook his head, blinking quickly. "Yeah. Yeah, I know, but I- I _want_ to tell you, you know? It's what... Friends do. Share things about themselves."

I wrung my hands together in my lap. My chest was starting to feel tight again; I'd have to get that looked at some day.

"Well..." My eyes returned to his and I almost looked away immediately; thankfully he did it before I could. I was glad for it for more than the fact that we might crash if he wasn't keeping his eyes on the road. "I'm... not going to stop you." When have I ever?

I moved my gaze from the side of his head to the steering wheel. As he searched for the words to say, I studied his hands, watched as they twitched and rubbed and fidgeted. It was a slight comfort to know that Lee was uncomfortable talking about _something_, though the idea made it harder to breathe, so it was more of a loss than anything.

"My father, he... Well, he was a motivational speaker," Lee started, a bitter smile on his face, "He..." He stopped to laugh, blinking fast again. "Wow. I really don't know how to put it."

My skin was starting to crawl. I could _feel_ his sadness; it hung around in the air and poked at my skin. Pulling at the collar of my coat, I glanced out the window and said, "Really, Lee, you don't have to."

The car stopped at a red light. In the corner of my eye, I could see Lee rub at his eyes. "Yeah. I can't- Maybe I shouldn't. I haven't... talked about him in a long time. In fact, I can't remember the last time I did."

"Yeah." I fiddled with the edge of my coat. This was so foreign. Since when was Lee incapable of talking about something?

Fidgeting in my seat, I realized there was now a weight sitting in my stomach along with a tightness in my chest. What the hell was wrong with me? I was perfectly fine at home and at school. Was I allergic to Lee's sadness or something?

Silence settled over the car as Lee exited the highway. We were probably close to that gas station he was talking about earlier.

When the diner was in view, Lee parked as far away as physically possible. I turned to give him a questioning look, but the expression fell off my face faster than sand through a sieve.

He was wiping his eyes, his shoulders trembling. From the looks of it, he was trying to suppress sobs as well, tiny hiccups escaping his mouth every now and then.

After a quiet moment of staring, Lee finally looked up. Surprise colored his countenance before dissolving into sheepishness.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, his eyes red and puffy, "I just-"

"N-No, it's okay, you don't-" What the hell was I saying, what was I trying to do, "I- It's okay."

Lee smiled. It conflicted with the tear stains on his cheeks, and that thought made me twitch even more.

"Thanks." He used his sleeves to rub at his eyes again. "Give me a minute? I'll meet up with you guys at the diner."

That was a command I could follow with no hesitation. With a nod, I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car. I glanced at the windshield as I passed by and caught a glimpse of Lee blowing his nose. If I listened hard enough, I could probably hear just how loud it was.

But I decided that was an opportunity I'd rather pass on and continued on to the diner without another look behind me.

* * *

I stood at the edge of the group. At a first glance, it might not look like I was even _with_ Lee's friends, but I did glance in their direction every now and then.

"Where's Lee?" Neji asked. He was standing behind the group as well, though there was still a good distance between the two of us. His gaze was hard and accusing; I resisted the urge to shrink away.

"Checking out the car," I replied, my voice calm and collected, "We ran over something on the way over and he's just making sure there aren't any remnants of a living creature."

Sakura looked at me and twisted her face in disgust. "That's gross."

"Yeah, we seriously didn't need to know that," Ino added, looking over Sakura's shoulder.

I merely quirked an eyebrow in response. I was asked a question, and I was always thourough with my answers.

Neji stared me down. It was a good thing I was used to keeping my emotions under check; the man had already seen me in a highly emotional state - well, as much as that attribute applies to me - and I didn't need him to know more about me.

After a moment of silence, Neji's eyes narrowed. "If you say so."

The girls had alreayd returned to their conversation. Every now and then, one of them would glance at the parking lot to look for Lee.

When he did arrive, I heard him before I saw him.

"Alright! It is literally the Springtime of Youth, is it not, my friends?"

I looked up and found Lee with his hands clenched into determined fists, one of them held high in the sky. A pair of sunglasses covered his eyes and it looked like he had washed up a bit; his cheeks were a normal color and no signs of his tears remained.

Naruto grinned and hooked and arm around Lee's shoulders. "Hell yeah! Let's get inside already, I'm hungry as hell!"

"Not even hell could house all the food you consume, dumbass."

"Shut up, bastard!" Naruto pouted at Sasuke before turning away to face Sakura. "Sakura, Sasuke's being mean!"

"And what do you expect me to do about that?"

"I dunno, he always listens to you! Do something!"

Before Sakura could say open her mouth to say anything, Sasuke lifted a hand and smacked the back of Naruto's head. All the while, Lee wore his usual, face-splitting smile.

With a hesitant hand, I gingerly touched Lee's arm. "Are you... better now?"

Lee lowered his head and looked at me over his sunglasses. I couldn't suppress the shiver than ran down my spine when I saw his smililng, puffy red eyes, the emotion in them conflicting with their physical state.

"Much," he replied, his smile softer, "Thanks for asking."

Before I could pull my hand away, Lee grabbed it and squeezed it. Goosebumps were left in his hand's wake, traveling up my arm even as he moved away to talk to Neji.

I tried not to focus on it too much. I figured that finding a seat at this table and drowning out my thoughts in my company's loud voices might help, so I occupied the chair beside Lee before Naruto could. The blonde pouted at me once I did so. I resisted the urge to flip him off. Once he realized I wasn't moving, he shrugged and decided to take the seat next to me in the booth, grabbing Sasuke by the back of his shirt to drag him down beside him before the student could escape.

Lee's shoulder was so close to mine that I could feel his body heat sink through my clothes. It wasn't that cold anymore, being mid March, but the extra warmth was welcome nonetheless.

On the other hand, Naruto's shoulder poked right through my personal bubble of space. I removed my gaze from Lee's recovering eyes and turned it to Naruto, giving him a glare that I normally reserved for my siblings: a heated stare that wasn't so much angry as annoyed.

**Heh, so he feels as close as family, eh? Something about his eyes just feels familiar. I can't quite put my finger on it.**

_Shut up, you. I think the pink haired girl is trying to talk to me._

"So!" Sakura said, leaning her arms on the table. Ino sat next to her, followed by Hinata and Neji. "Gaara, right?"

I nodded.

"Right, right." She smiled, though her lips twitched with discomfort. "You're still in school, right? Like Neji and Sasuke?"

I nodded again. God, I _hated_ small talk. Hopefully the girl would be able to pick that up after a few silent replies.

Her mouth twitched again. Glancing over her shoulder to exchange glances with Ino, she began to draw her arms away from the table, away from me. With some hesitance, she returned her eyes to mine and opened her mouth to speak again.

This reminded me of conference meetings where people are forced to talk to me, but fail at hiding their reluctance to do so. The familiar setting comforted me somewhat.

"Sakura," Lee interrupted her as he reached out to stop her hand from leaving the table completely. Her head snapped up. When their eyes met, her mouth softened. Maybe she could see his swollen, bloodshot eyes, maybe she could see the remnants of his tears. It was hard not to notice something so out of place.

"Gaara doesn't really..." His eyes slid to mine. I felt my chest tighten, though I ignored it this time. It was becoming a common occurrence, which meant that it was probably nothing to worry about. "I mean- you know. Maybe we should talk about what we're doing this week?"

"I'm all for that!" Naruto cried. I winced. I was right next to him, I could hear him well enough when he _wasn't_ shouting. I couldn't have been the only one with sound hearing, there was no need to yell. "We're swimming for sure."

"And we just have to take you tanning, Hinata. You're as pale as snow!" Ino added, her voice just as loud as Naruto's. I looked over to the kitchen, hoping that someone would come to serve us soon and give me a moment of relief from all this shouting.

"She has fair skin," Neji corrected, "It's natural for her due to her father's genetics. She'll burn easily." He looked over to his... fiancee? I could not remember the details exactly. "If you are going, please remember to use strong sunscreen. Maybe then you'll be able to stay out as long as them."

Hinata nodded, bringing her thumb to her lips. "Do you think I'll even be able to tan?"

Neji gave her a small smile and petted her hair. She blushed, her face almost glowing red. "You will. Your skin is light, as are your eyes, but your mother was not quite so pale. That's why your hair is so dark in comparison, and as beautiful as the night sky."

Hinata giggled. "N-Neji, stop it...!"

"Aww, isn't that just _precious_," Naruto said with a grin. His eyes slanted with his smile, giving him a fox like appearance. Without a second thought, her reached out to rustle Hinata's hair. "But don't forget: you hurt her, your balls are mine."

"N-Naruto, I don't think he'd even _dare _to do that-" Lee started.

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's wrist. "I agree with Lee. No need to be so vulgar with Neji about Hinata all the time. She's in good hands and you know it." He moved Naruto's hand to wave at the kitchen, igoring his pout. "Where's our waiter?"

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who was wondering about that," I muttered under my breath.

Naruto nudged me. Once I shook off the initial shock of experiencing human contact, I leveled a glared at him.

"Have I mentioned that you remind me of my bastard? Some people'd think that it sucks that there're more than one of you, but you know-"

"No, we're not having a threesome," Sasuke said, slapping the back of his head, "And yes, I'm damn sure that what you were thinking."

I gave the pair a confused look. Threesome, right. I was not interested in getting involved with anything to do with them as a couple. I would much rather get a sandwich or something.

At least that was a common thought amongst all of us. Naruto ordered half the menu, Sasuke muttered something about sharing with the blonde, Lee ordered the other half of the menu, the girls ordered a salad each, and I ordered a club sandwich.

Sending Lee an incredulous look, I asked, "Are you sure you can eat all that?"

"Yep!" he chirped. Yes, Lee was not above chirping. "I'm famished. I had breakfast around three hours ago, went for a run, gave Tenten my extra set of keys for the shop and went through maintenance with her, panicked because I thought I might be late for our meeting, then I ran to your dorm-"

"You _ran_?" I repeated, interrupting him.

"Uh." Lee flushed faintly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Y-Yeah. Kinda. Mostly."

I stared at him before shaking my head. "As long as I don't have to pay for you."

"Whoa!" Naruto exclaimed. I jumped in my seat. "You didn't question him!"

With a sigh, I examined my nails. "And your point is?"

"That's just..."

"It doesn't happen often," Sasuke filled in. "I only believed Lee when I saw him run from Naruto's apartment to the bookstore after nursing the dumbass from a hangover."

"Hey, that was _both_ of us, Tenten was the one who told-"

"Weren't we supposed to be discussing the trip?" Ino interjected. She looked imatient; finally, someone I could sympathize with. "Are we going for a hike, or are we going canoeing?"

"Well, Iruka only has two canoes," Naruto stated. He put a finger on his chin and looked at the ceiling in thought. "And one of them is actually Mr. Hatake's, so I dunno if we'll all fit..."

"Four people can go canoeing and the other four can go hiking," Lee suggested.

"But I kinda wanted to go hiking with everyone," Naruto whined, "I mean, there are just so many bugs in that forest, it'd be awesome to just-"

Sakura reached across the table to smack his hand. "That's a great idea, Lee," she said as if nothing had happened. Naruto whined in pain beside me. "Who wants to do what first?"

Neji shrugged and put up his hand, a slight smirk on his face. "I volunteer to go canoeing first."

"We'll go with you," the girls chimed in unison. The glint in their eyes told me to avoid objecting.

"I wanna do stuff with you guys, too," Naruto complained, continuing to speak in a whiny tone that made me want to punch him.

"Naruto, Naruto, Naruto," Sakura sighed, rubbing her temples with her fingers. "Are you forgetting the beach? The campfires? We still need to think of things to do for the other two days."

"I, um, was wondering if we cuold spend just one day, y-you know," Hinata stammered, fiddling with her index fingers, "If we could just laze around the cabins for a day... something like that."

Neji smiled again and brushed some of hair out of Hinata's eyes. "I have nothing against that idea."

Ino smiled as well. "Me neither. We haven't had a lot of time together because of midterms and friggin' _Valentine's Day_ and all that."

"And that was I can make sure you two are having sex the whole time!" Sakura added, lifting a finger in the air. Naruto shrank in his seat.

"I bet you fuys have a lot of sex, too..." he murmured in a defeated tone. Was everything about sex for these people?

"Of course," Ino said smugly, "But we don't fucking _shove_ it in everyone's faces every chance we get."

"So be wary when the drinks are passed around, you two," Sakura warned me and Lee. Her eyes were focused on me, though. I was almost glad for the heads up, but I planned to keep to myself as much as possible, anyway.

Sasuke said nothing to contradict her, his eyes wandering. They stopped after a few moments of scanning the room. He opened his mouth to speak, but it was Naruto's voice that greeted my ears.

"Food's here!" he shouted, radiating joy and excitement. I shrank away from him; I didn't like the way he looked at the food. He looked like he could do major damage to his meal and those who happened to be nearby, and that included me.

Lee looked just as excited, but in a more subtle way. He straightened his back and stared at the food with bright eyes, but his mouth was closed and his hands were in his lap waiting patiently.

My stomach jumped when his eyes found mine. If he was bothered by my staring, he didn't show it.

"You were smiling again," he said, a smile of his own stretching his features. It looked like he was returning to his normal self again. He put a hand on my shoulder and this time I didn't flinch. His smile grew, even just a fraction, at my calm response. "One day I'm going to figure out what makes you smile like that so I can make sure you do it more often."

My stomach jumped again, the action accompanied by that familiar tightness in my chest. Lee raised his eyebrows at me before moving to accept his food and mine, placing my sandwich in front of me.

I didn't realize how hungry I was until I was eating. My sandwich disappeared in minutes, and soon enough Lee was sliding some of his food towards me. I only took a bit; he seemed twice as hungry as me, jugding by the rate his food disappeared.

**Oh my god, you find that endearing, don't you.**

_What? How is noting how much he eats and how fast in anyway related to finding his eating habits endearing?_

**Last time I checked, Lee isn't a test subject of yours.**

_W-Well, I see him a lot, so I'm just... taking notes to prepare myself for possible future events._

**Yeah, in case he **_**eats**_** you.**

_It's possible!_

**Fuck, listen to yourself. You were so close, you know?**

_Close to what?_

**Nevermind. But I'm sure the information will be handy when you guys go out for dinner.**

"Gaara?" Lee gave me a look of concern. My immediate response was to shake my head.

"I'm just... my mind is just wandering a bit," I replied, returning his gaze with some hesitance.

"If you say so," he said lowly in reply, "You can tell me if anything's wrong, you know."

**Hmm. Think if you tell him about me I'll finally go away?**

_I cannot believe it would be that simple._

**It might be. You never know.**

"If..." I started, stopping once I felt the weight of Lee's stare sink to my stomach. I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued. "If something- changes, you'll be the first to know."

I could hear applause in the back of my head.

Lee smiled widely, bringing back that damn tightness in my chest. "I'm glad, Gaara."

"So, um," Hinata said, her food long gone, "H-Have any of you thought of the last thing you want to do?"

The girl's stammering was starting to get on my nerves, but I found it a bit more tolerable than the constantly raised volume of Naruto's voice. Her voice was scarcely heard, anyway, so I decided the pale girl was not that much of a nuisance.

"I was thinking," Sasuke began, sweeping his gaze around the table. Everyone was silent, save for Naruto's noisy chewing. "On the third day, we could pull an all nighter and watch the sun rise over the lake. Then we'll have a good night's sleep before the ride home because we'll be so exhausted when we come back from the lake."

The way he phrased his words seemed to make me think that he was implying that we spend a whole day just sitting by the lakeshore... Just what would we do then? Talk? My stomach fell at the thought of spending two whole days just doing nothing with these near strangers.

Just how the hell did I end up in this situation?

There was a murmur of agreement around the table.

"So it's settled, then," Lee stated with a calm, appeased smile, "Let's get on the road then, shall we?"

We pooled our money together. Lee didn't get a chance too look at the bill, so I paid for some of his food. I ate some of it, after all, so it was only fair.

"There's no way a sandwich costs that much," the brunet fretted, trying his best to look over my shoulder without leaning on me. I pushed him back into his seat with two fingers.

"It was a big sandwich," I told him. He frowned, obviously disagreeing, but I interrupted him with the altered price of his food and handed the money to Sasuke, who was collecting everything, before Lee could protest further.

Lee's friends waved goodbye to us as they filed into their respective rides. I saw Naruto sneak a kiss with Sasuke and I looked away immediately.

Lee caught my gaze and smiled. "Let's go?"

With a nod, I followed him back to my car.


	9. Rest

**Chapter Nine - Rest**

The car ride was silent for a while. I cherished the still moment in which I could breathe comfortably. My chest felt loose and free for once as I took several calming breaths. I closed my eyes for a few moments, but I could still feel Lee's gaze flicker in my direction every now and then.

"Are you alright?" he asked without taking his eyes off the road. I was very thankful for that. "You can go to sleep if you'd like. It's a long ride and I know you don't normally get a good night's rest." He flashed me a bright smile. "Relax a bit, Gaara."

I stared at Lee for a moment, glad he couldn't hold my gaze for long. Was he offering me an escape of some sort? Maybe a break after that taxing discussion with his friends.

My head dipped in a shallow nod. I was feeling a bit sleepy without my coffee. Mumbling a quiet thank you, my eyes slipped shut and I drifted to sleep.

* * *

When my eyes slid open, the late afternoon sun blinded me with its bright rays. The car wasn't moving; the green scenery around me was still and calm, save for the occasional breeze that rolled through the tall grass.

A few feet away from the car, which was parked on the side of the road, stood Lee. He was stretching, pausing to jab and kick at the air periodically.

A stretch sounded good right about now. With a quick glance at my watch, I discovered that I had been sleeping for about two hours. That was as many hours of sleep I get on a daily basis. Fuck, I felt really lethargic right then and there, but I forced myself out of my seat belt and got out of the car.

The gentle breeze was cool against my slightly clammy skin. The sun compensated for the low temperature, so overall it was very pleasant. I closed my eyes and let my surroundings sink in a little.

"Gaara!"

Lee's surprised tone broke the silence. His cheeks were pink and getting darker; his flush wasn't just from the physical exertion now. Chest heaving, he still managed a sheepish smile in my direction.

"I'm sorry that I didn't wake you or anything," he said, somehow keeping me at the front of his mind despite everything, "But you just looked so peaceful, I couldn't bring myself to disturb you."

I shoved my hands into my pockets. "It's alright."

The grass rustled as Lee took a few steps towards me. I moved away from the car at the same time.

"What were you doing, anyways?" I asked, glancing at his arms. I never would have guessed that a book store keeper would have a physique like his.

The brunet rubbed the back of his neck. "Just getting my blood pumping. Sitting in a car for a long time makes me antsy."

I looked away from him; staring at him was making me feel warm, too warm, especially for this weather. "I can drive if you want."

His eyes widened a fraction, shock painting his features. I know I wasn't too generous, but was the offer really all that surprising...?

"B-But you, ah, you don't know where we're going!"

"I know how to read maps, Lee," I reply, rolling my eyes. "Besides, from the looks of it, the next two hours will be on this highway. It will not be a difficult task to navigate a straight line."

Lee frowned. "Well, if you insist." He moved towards me, reducing the distance between us. I could feel his body heat rolling off of him in waves, sweat rolling down his temple and his neck. I could barely repress a shiver as his shoulder brushed mine on the way to the car.

I watched his back as he rummaged through the vehicle. Grumbling, he pulled off his jacket and threw it into the backseat before continuing his search.

"Ah, here it is." Lee approached me again, a map in hand. He opened it up and pointed this way and that, speaking words that just weren't reaching my ears.

I couldn't help myself. I was staring at every inch of skin that had been revealed, my eyes too curious, too hungry. I could hear laughter in the back of my mind as my hands curled into fists at my side.

This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening... but no matter how many times I repeated the words, my gaze could not leave Lee's body.

**Hahaha! Come on, shithead, you can do it. Just fucking admit it already! Lee is hot as fuck!**

The voice laughed again, such a loud, barking laugh.

**Good god, and wouldn't you like to fuck him. Mm-mm-mm.**

I was starting to feel lightheaded as blood started to move to my face, and places in the opposite direction. Gritting my teeth, I shifted my weight so I wouldn't fall flat on my face.

"...Gaara?"

At this point, Lee was blushing too. My stares were normally intense, as I usually assume by the looks on my colleagues' faces, but this one was simply unrelenting.

The brunet bit his lip and I almost fucking lost it.

"Fuck," I hissed. I grabbed the map and turned on my heel. "Fucking sun is making it so fucking hard to concentrate!" I exclaimed, trying to keep my voice steady. My composure was quickly sliding out from my grasp and I needed to distance myself from Lee before it got worse.

"G-Gaara? Are you alright?"

I stalked over to the driver's side of the car and slid into the seat, slamming the door on my way in. I couldn't see him, but I could just fucking sense him flinching from the other side.

**Hey, man, calm down! It's just a bit of arousal. Perfectly normal for humans to feel, you know. I believe it's what most people would call a "sex drive"!**

"Shut up!" I hissed again. My voice cracked as I screwed my eyes shut. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"B-But I wasn't saying anything..."

The voice in the back of my head fell silent. It sighed before saying, **Shit, gig's up. Better think of something quick.**

I took slow, deep breaths, my fingers curling around the steering wheel.

"I know, Lee. I know." When I opened my eyes to look at the brunet, he looked very, very concerned. And that was a mild way of putting it.

"N-Now's not the time to really... try to explain it," I began, at a loss for words, "But... Let's just say that I... I'm not exactly in the best state of mind all the time."

Lee's hands shifted in his lap. They were rolled up into loose fists, trembling slightly. I know he wanted to touch me, the fucking bastard always wants to, and maybe this time the effort to resist the urge was enough to make him shake.

"I..." Lee paused to swallow thickly, the sound of his throat contracting cutting the air, "I'm sorry that I never noticed."

"It's not your fault," I replied quickly, almost immediately, "I prefer it that way. That people don't notice."

He nodded. "Th-That makes sense." He looked at his lap, his fingers flexing. "I'm sorry for setting you off, then."

My body betrayed me once again, a flush rising to my cheeks. Lee still wasn't wearing his jacket, his build much more obvious when only a shirt was shielding the world from his tanned skin.

I cleared my throat. "Don't worry too much about it," I murmured, moving to shift the car into gear, "I'm sure it won't happen again."

As the voice in my head began to laugh again, I revved the engine hard enough to drown it out and screeched my way onto the highway.

* * *

Lee ended up taking the wheel after I almost ran over a squirrel. I didn't really understand the fuss, seeing as there were hundreds of the rodents pretty much everywhere, but I couldn't complain.

On the passenger's side, I stared out the window, chin in my hand. Silence filled the car and, while I didn't mind all that much, I could sense Lee sweating bullets. I refused to be the first to speak; not only did I not trust myself at that moment, I had nothing to say.

I settled back into my seat and sent Lee a brief glance. His eyes were concentrated on the road in front of us, but his hands were gripping the wheel too tightly to be considered normal.

I yawned. I reminded myself that there was nothing to be discussed and let myself drift into a light sleep.

* * *

When I woke up, my surroundings were darker, only lit by streaks of sunlight peeking through trees. I undid my seatbelt and stretched my neck. Feeling awfully lethargic once again - I really should avoid naps in the car from now on - I decided to remain seated until I felt my joints wouldn't creak when I stood up.

For a while, the only thing I could hear was my own breathing. As minutes passed, footsteps came and went until one pair stopped by the car. Another wasn't far behind it, stopping after the first pair.

"He's still sleeping, I think." That was Lee, there was no mistaking it. I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing before anyone could look into the window and confirm the fact that I was actually awake.

The other voice hummed in acknowledgement. "Alright. So you said something's wrong with him?"

Was that...? It sounded like Naruto, but I never have I heard him so calm and... quiet.

"N-No, that's not what I said," Lee corrected him, "But... I don't know. Something happened today and I just... I don't know what to do."

Naruto chuckled. "Still walking on eggshells?"

Lee laughed as well, albeit weakly. "Yeah. I don't- want him to drop off my radar again."

"Mmmn." A moment of silence passed. "You want my advice, Bushy Brows?"

"Yes, if you think you could help. I'd like that very much."

"Alright." There was some shuffling. "Listen, Lee- don't be so afraid. I'm sure he just needs some more prodding, y'know what I mean? You've gotten him all safe in his little shell, but you gotta coax him out now, else you won't get anywhere.

"...Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yeah. If it backfires, I bet it won't be anything you can't fix. He likes you, y'know."

"How can you tell?" Lee sounded genuinely shocked.

"Just... He hasn't left yet, right? Means he actually likes being around you."

Lee was silent for a moment. "Well, alright. I always thought so - hoped, at the very least - but it's nice to have someone else notice."

"Don't sweat it, Bushy Brows. You'll be fine." Naruto yawned. "Mmn. So me'n the bastard's all set up'n stuff, just come to the cabin when you're ready. Think the girls are making dinner."

"Sounds good. I'll see you later, Naruto."

I cracked my eyes open to catch the blonde beginning to walk away, his hands folded behind his head. Letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding, I slumped into my seat.

Lee opened the door, making me jump in my skin.

"Hey," he said gently, smiling, "Time to get up."

I rubbed my eyes, some of my eyeliner smearing onto my skin. "Alright. What time is it?" My voice was thick with sleep and I cleared my throat to get rid of that scratchy quality.

"Almost six in the evening. I brought your bags in while you were sleeping, so you don't have to worry about that."

I looked up at him. His jacket covered his shoulders once again, and I couldn't tell if the sigh I heaved was disappointed or relieved.

"Thank you." He moved out of the way once I started to move out of the car. Once I was standing, I stretched the stiffness out of my limbs.

"Hey... Gaara?"

I turned to Lee and gave him a questioning look.

"If... You know, you need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you. I won't judge you or anything."

His big, round eyes were concerned as he put a hand on my shoulder. I didn't have the energy to tense up - or maybe I was just getting used to him? - and let him steer me away from the car.

"I know." I swallowed a lump in my throat. "I just... We'll see."


	10. Nightfall

**Chapter Ten**

During dinner, it was apparent that the drive over had been rather tiring. The normally loud group of Lee's friends ate their food in near silence, only breaking it to ask for something they couldn't reach.

I could feel both Lee and Naruto's gazes on me the entire time. This earned me glances from Neji and Sasuke as well. I shifted in my seat and barely managed a mouthful of food, keeping my eyes directly in front of me.

What I was worried about was the sleeping arrangements. I had no idea how the cabins were set up, or where my belongings were, or where the bathroom was, or...

"Anyone up for drinking tonight?" Naruto asked, relieving me of his stare in order to look at his companions. I sighed gratefully.

"I dunno," Sakura replied, "I figured we could wait until tomorrow for that. Or bring it to the lake later, or something."

"You really that tired?" Naruto pouted.

"Long drives make me sleepy," Ino stated, drawing out the "e" sound. "If you wanna do something tonight, why don't we go stargazing on the roof?"

"If any of you fall, I'm not taking responsibility," Neji said against his glass of water.

Hinata flushed. "I-I'm sure no one will fall, Neji."

Grinning, Naruto nodded. "Awesome. I'll meet you guys there." He stood up and took his plate, along with Sasuke's, to the sink. "You're coming with me too, bastard."

Sasuke grunted as he allowed Naruto to haul him out of the cabin. Murmuring amongst themselves, the others followed suit at their own pace. Soon enough, only Lee and I remained.

"Gaara..."

The way Lee said my name made my chest tighten. I buried my face in my hands; he really was affecting me, whether I liked it or not.

His chair scratched against the floor as he moved to sit on the table in front of me. Just a moment before, he'd taken my half-full plate and cleaned up both of our meals.

Carefully, softly, he put a hand on top of my head. His fingertips glided gently across my scalp. Surprised at the tingling sensation it left behind, I hummed, then quickly bit the inside of my cheek. A blush was crawling up my neck, much to my embarrassment; at this rate I'd be blushing like a fucking school girl in no time.

"You really worry me sometimes, you know?" he said with a faint, humorless laugh. His fingers stilled in my hair. "I know it's not my place - or anyone's, really - to push you, but... Sometimes I think it'd be best if you opened up a little more. I just want to help."

"That's what they all say," I muttered against my palms. "That's what they want you to think. They want to lure you into a fucking trap with their "kind words" and "trust" bullshit."

"That's not true," Lee responded. I could practically hear the frown in his tone. "Not everyone is like that."

"Maybe not in your case," I admitted, moving my hands to press the heels of my palms into my eyelids. "But- it's pretty obvious that you're different from everyone else."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment." This time, Lee's laugh was genuine. The familiar sound soothed the tightness in my chest. In fact, I could even feel a smile of my own pull at my lips.

"Hey, look at that." Hesitantly, I moved my hands away from my face. The first thing I saw was Lee smiling down at me, his big eyes so bright. "Ah, yes, there we go. You have a very handsome smile, did you know that?"

I stared at him, at a loss for words. My throat worked, but no sound could escape. I tried to resist the blush tinting my cheeks, but it only deepened as Lee reached over a brushed a thumb across my face.

"Come on, let's join the others," he offered, removing his hand from my personal bubble. Instead, he held it out, offering me an aid like he did those months ago.

"Alright."

* * *

The moon was high in the sky when we decided to head back inside. I was used to being awake at this hour, but Lee's eyes were heavy as he made his way into our shared room.

There were two beds, luckily, though my shoulders were still tense as I scanned our room. It wasn't too small, but not too big, with a single window facing the back of the cabin. Spending seven nights here with Lee, alone... The thought made my stomach do flips. I grimaced and went to my bed, the one with my bag on it.

There wasn't any need to worry, right?

"There's a bathroom right over there," Lee stated, breaking the silence. He yawned, then continued, "If you'd like, you can take it first."

I shrugged. "Sure."

The bathroom was closer to my bed than Lee's, the door facing our beds. It didn't take long for me to brush my teeth and get dressed for the night. With the sun down, it was colder, but down here it wasn't nearly as cold as our home town. Nonetheless, it was comfortably warm under the covers on my bed. The bed itself wasn't so bad, etiher, especially since I was used to sleeping in a small dormitory bed. Well, no, I was more used to sleeping in my desk chair, or not at all...

Lee popped his head out of the bathroom door, his toothbrush in hand. "I'd like to take a shower now, but if you mind the noise I can wait until tomorrow morning."

I shook my head. "No, it's alright. I'm not really tired right now."

The brunet grinned. "Well, you did get a lot of sleep in the car!" I sent him a flat look, but his grin didn't falter. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Feel free to do whatever you want, I'm pretty tired myself. I'm sure I'll be sleeping like a baby in no time!"

After I nodded my reply, he nodded back and closed the door. I was already settled in bed, so I reached over into my bag and pulled out a book and a booklight. There was some moonlight streaming in through the window, but it was dim. The lights were off save for a lamp on a night stand between the two beds. All in all it seemed like my kind of room, minus Lee, of course.

A few minutes passed before Lee came out of the bathroom. Some of the warm air drifted out of the door and made it a little hard to breathe, but that was nothing compared to the constricting feeling in my chest when I laid eyes on Lee. He was blushing, a towel wrapped around his waist.

I bit my lip to hold back a choked noise. You think it'd be easier to breathe out here in this open space, but I was having difficulty keeping my breathing even.

The brunet dashed to his bed and dropped to a squat behind it, shielding my eyes from his body. It was a bit of a disappointment, though the droplets of water dripping down his hair made up for it. He looked so... so... I couldn't find a word for it, despite my expansive vocabulary, but I just couldn't tear my eyes away. It was happening again, this man was drawing me to him and I just couldn't help myself...

But was it so bad? No one was here, no one could see me indulge myself. No one but him, and as far as I knew, he would probably appreciate it.

I was curious. That was all there really was to it. I wanted to see what Lee was like with his barriers down, what'd he be like now that there was no one to scrutinize him.

In a few moments Lee was dressed, loose sweatpants over his hips and an equally loose shirt over his broad shoulders. His blush had faded to a light pinkness in his cheeks.

"Sorry about that, I must have gotten water all over the floor," he said quietly, almost muttering. His eyes were trained on a spot on his bed, not looking at the towel that he was placing over the foot of the bed to dry. "I like to take showers in the evening sometimes, especially when I've been out for a long time..."

"Some people don't like to sleep with the day's grime on them," I agreed. "My sister is like that."

Lee nodded. His hair was still dripping. I wondered if it was uncomfortable having that water slide down his neck and shoulders.

"You have a sister?" Lee asked after a moment. He finally looked up at me, his blush dissipated now.

I nodded. "Yeah. An older sister and an older brother." I tapped my fingers against the pages of my open book, though it was forgotten now. I was still staring at Lee, and I wondered if he could tell.

"Um..." Lee's flush was returning, a warm color seeping up his neck. He reached to rub at it, then squeezed a bit of water out of his hair. "Uh. Goodnight, then, I guess? I'm pretty beat."

He looked down at his bed, stared at it for a while, before climbing into it. "Sorry again. About that. The, uh. Washroom thing. Yeah. I'm just gonna. Sleep now."

"Goodnight, Lee."

"Goodnight, Gaara," he responded, his usual smile on his lips. He reached over to turn off the lamp, leaving me in the small light of my booklight.

It wasn't too bad reading in the dim light, but I was distracted by the sound of Lee's breathing. He was breathing quietly, steadily, though a little too quickly to be sleeping. It was... eerie having another person in the same room as me at this time of night, in an intimate setting like this.

I shifted the book in my hands, determined to focus more, but Lee's voice interrupted me.

"Gaara..." I looked up at him. I could barely see him in the dark of the night; I could just make out his eyes and mouth as it moved. "Why were you staring at me earlier?"

I averted my gaze. How could I word this without sounding too awkward... "Your... behavior was interesting. As was your... your..."

**His body, right? Same parts as yours, yet so different in so many ways. Beautiful thing, isn't it?**

I swallowed, the sound much louder than I'd expected. "Your body," I admitted, agreeing with the voice in my head. That sounded awkward, didn't it. I returned my eyes to Lee's. "Not that I'm sexually attracted to you."

**You fucking liar! Take that back- Look, you'll hurt his feelings, and just imagine him being sullen and despondent-**

The corner of my mouth twitched. I shouldn't be giving in this easily, but the voice was right. "...Well, alright, I'm not sure about that. It's just that you're-"

Lee was grinning at me, his head in his hand. "I'm?"

"Very difficult... not to look at." I chewed the inside of my mouth. That could have gone better, but at least I was honest. "As you can see, you've- hindered my ability to talk properly..."

Despite my fumbling, Lee's grin did not falter. He rolled onto his bed, flat on his back, and sprawled his arms and legs across the mattress. "You sound fine. Thank you, by the way."

"For what?"

He yawned. "Can't take my eyes off me, right?"

I hesitated. Now that he put it that way... "Er- sometimes, yes."

"There," he said, tone dropping off with his sleepiness, "That was a compliment." He yawned yet again. "Goodnight, Gaara."

"Er-" What just happened? "Goodnight, Lee."

His breathing evened out into a peaceful rhythm in seconds. I stared at his sleeping form for a while longer before deciding that maybe I should try to get some sleep, too.


End file.
